Teach Responsibility and Accountability to Young Children: How We Do It

	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday
6:30 AM	Get dressed, brush teeth, socks and shoes on, feed Felicia, eat breakfast
7:00 AM	Victoria's choice! Free time... Free time... Free time... Free time... Free time... Free time... Free time...
7:30 AM
8:00 AM	(8:10 on the bus)					Family time and individual commitments Get our home and hearts ready for the Sabbath Free time	Free time
8:30 AM	School
9:00 AM
9:30 AM							Leave @ 9:25 CHURCH Help after?
10:00 AM
10:30 AM
11:00 AM
11:30 AM
noon
1:00 PM
1:30 PM							Call family, Bday cards, missionary letters, etc.
2:00 PM
2:30 PM
3:00 PM							Free time
3:30 PM	(4:10 home from school)					Prepare for Sunday
4:00 PM	Shoes away, lunch leftovers in the fridge, folder emptied, etc.
4:30 PM	Free time... Free time... Free time... Free time... Free time... Free time... Free time...
5:00 PM
5:30 PM	DINNER	DINNER	DINNER	DINNER	DINNER	DINNER	DINNER
6:00 PM
6:30 PM	FHE	Free time	Free time	Free time	Free time	Free time	Free time
7:00 PM	Brush teeth, shower, put on pajamas, put away dirty clothes, pray, scriptures, toilet, yoga
7:30 PM	“In bed” bedtime stories, etc.
8:00 PM	BLACK OUT (HOUSE-WIDE)
8:30 PM
9:00 PM

This is an example of our family's flexible schedule. We've prioritized our commitments while trying to preserve the agency of individual members. This is what we've been following for the past 3 years or so.

Before-school Yellows

• get dressed and pajamas put away
• socks and shoes on
• eat breakfast
• feed Felicia
• brush teeth
• family prayer and family scripture study

After-school Yellows

• shoes away and back pack hung on kitchen door
• lunch leftovers put in the fridge
• eat a snack (lunch leftovers or other)
• empty folder and do any homework

Bedtime Yellows

• shower before 7:30 P.M.
• pajamas on and dirty clothes put away
• brush teeth
• use the toilet
• personal prayers
• mindfulness moment and other quiet activities
• read scriptures with Dad (personal study)

Now that Victoria is in second grade, we've started giving her more responsibility to go with her choices. Below is her readiness chart. For her expected behavior she earns points which she can use as currency for rare and appreciated rewards. (Yes, I've read some Alfie Kohn as an educator and in our home with an only child I find his teachings hardly relevant. When we are blessed with more children I don't plan to change my philosophies on rewards and punishments.)

Write the date here

Morning

Say prayers

Get dressed

Eat breakfast

Eat vitamin

Feed Felicia

Brush teeth

After school

Read 20 mins

Spelling/HW

Set the table

Chore of choice

Bedtime

Shower

Dirty clothes

Get PJs on

Brush teeth

Use the toilet

Say prayers

Read scriptures

TOTALS

I'm a recovering control freak who refuses to abandon the gift of my organization loving mind. These charts help me strike the balance between nagging person who becomes her child's frontalobes (sometimes a necessity but not good for long term relationships) and a permissive, non-teaching parent. This is works for us and has spared us much agony so I thought I'd share it here as I'm cleaning out our old documents folder so we can back up the computer. I hope it helps someone else.

How Greg Deals With The Unexpected: Graduation, Stroke, and Tornados

Hello Everyone,

I (this is Gregory) am suppose to write my monthly update next week, but considering full our last week has been I thought I would give I quick list of things from last week (9 to 10 days actually) and then some more details for those that want it.

Summary

• Smoothly drove through 7 states in one day [Thursday, May 10th]
• Attended graduation for the first time (Greg, [his doctoral hooding on Friday, May 11th])
• Spent a day with friends in Illinois
• Spent a day with the Hansens in Indianapolis
• Had a mild stroke (Greg) [at 4 A.M. on Mother's Day]
• Spent a day with the Harts in Michigan
• Spent 2 days driving back through 7 states [with only one driver]
• 
  
• Arrived home in time to survive 4 tornadoes 
• Taught piano lessons on an electric piano with no power (Danielle)
• Were without power for 66 hours (Greg had power at work)
• Got chastised by ward members whom we didn't tell we were without power
• Showered at the medical school (Greg and Victoria)
• Showered at the neighbor's (Danielle)
• Spent many hours over 3 days with 3 doctors (Greg)
• 
  
• Accepted an adjunct position at Albertus Magnus (Greg)
• Had a paper accepted but had to quickly redo all the figures (Greg)
• Missed 4 days of school for travel and 3 more for weather (Victoria)
• "Gets" to ride the bus for the time being (Greg, doctor's orders)

Graduation
We enjoyed our drive west. We had a great time seeing the friends and family that were a large part of our life for the 5 years we were there. The one sad part was the other grad student, Andy, that finished the week before me wasn't able to come back. So my advisor, Andy (not at all confusing), only to got to hood one of his first two Ph. D students.



Weather
We got back to Connecticut hours before 3 tornadoes touched down in our ward and the ward just north of us. Danielle was cooking [macaroni and cheese] when the power went out. Moments later her piano students showed up. She did well with what she had. There was bumper to bumper traffic on the main road just outside our house for hours. Then, just before going to bed, they closed the road and made everyone turn around and find another way north.

One of the tornadoes went through the state park across the street. Utility crews have been working 17 hours on and 7 off. Victoria's school was canceled Wednesday through Friday. Because we were traveling just before [all of this,] our frigde was mostly empty and we didn't lose much food. [In fact, we] could fit all that was left in the freezer, with a bag of ice. People have been very kind to us. We have had dinner invitation for the last three nights (including from Kathrine and Steven), Danielle has been able to shower at friends, and do laundry (which we were also in the middle of when the power went out and we needed since we had been traveling.)

Our power come back on Friday in the late morning. Apparently we never turned off the stove from trying to cook dinner 3 nights before. When Danielle can home from doing laundry at the bishop's (2 ish hours after the power came back one) she found this in an otherwise empty pot on the stove. 

Danielle here: Besides this spatula, which is still usual but will instead be framed on our kitchen wall, we only lost 7 eggs and 3 cups mayo due to loss of electrical power.

Lots of the people to the north of us are still without power and we don't know if Victoria will have school on Monday. [She did but the school buses have all been rerouted.] Though at this point the have extend the school almost to the end of June to make up for all the days they have been missing.

Stroke
Sunday I woke up with difficultly seeing and walking. I thought that the difficulty walking was a result of the difficultly seeing. So I just had Danielle drive. After four hours we beat Spencer and Becca to their ward (Something I take an unhealthy amount of pleasure in). I enjoyed holding Aaron and going to nursery with Spencer. After (and even some during) church Spencer asked me a bunch of questions and did simple tests on me, but by that time only my vision had problems, any other stroke symptoms I had had fixed themselves.

Upon arriving back in Connecticut (hours before the storm) I want to acute care (the same as urgent care). They sent me to the ophthalmologist. He determined that other than a little near nearsightedness (I'll soon be joining most of you in wearing glasses) nothing was wrong with my eyes and I should be checked for neurological problems (especially after hearing our family history). So after seeing an internist I got an MRI and MRA yesterday evening. They determined that I had a mild stroke. It was from clotting not blooding, but it isn't what they would expect if the clot was from a PFO. [It was near the brain stem which is apparently an unusual location.] 

I am to take aspirin and Lipitor for now. On Monday I'll be tested for clotting problems and they are still working on scheduling an echocardiogram (just in case) and a visit with neurologist. In the mean time I am to go to the ER if anything else happens or gets worse (my vision is still far from ideal) and I have to be careful or I'll stress Danielle out.

My New Rose-colored Glasses

As belated birthday present I received new glasses with an updated prescription. I knew I needed them and waited months for the first available appointment. During those months I got used to the feeling of my glasses being dirty and a bit blurry. I tried to keep them clean but it was hard to tell the difference.

Then this happened. (Victoria wanted to try them on too.)

          

I had gotten so used to not being able to see clearly while still trying to live life with perfect sight. It wasn't until I found what I was missing out on that I also found new motivation and a new perspective on life.

Hindsight is 20/20

It is hard to explain to someone who hasn't ever needed glasses the difference that they can make. The easiest way to understand this phenomenon is to experience it for yourself. Similarly, we don't always realize the full extent of our attitude or the choices we're making.

It's usually easier for me than for my daughter to recognize when we're going to miss the school bus.

She is young and still learning not only how to tell time but how to sense and manage it. Sometimes it's not until she is led to the car and driven to school that she realizes she didn't get ready for school in time to ride the bus with her friends!

Whether you're a child or parenting one, hindsight makes some consequences quite obvious: for example, taking more than an hour to get dressed and eat breakfast makes it hard to be on time. For me it is easiest to learn from past mistakes and triumphs rather than present ones. I may not realize something isn't the best choice until after the mistake has been made. And yet I don't want to be stuck living in the past and unwilling to try new things because I'm afraid of the mistakes I haven't made yet.

The current moment truly is a gift, but not all gifts are easy to receive and appreciate. How can I appreciate and live in the moment while being mindful of past lessons and hopeful for my future? It's like the spring weather.

Finding Rainbows

While it is true that you cannot have a rainbow without rain (and sun), sometimes the storms of life blind us to even the memory of sun. And have you ever tried to watch the sunrise on an overcast day? It can be next to impossible to pinpoint when the sun has crested the horizon. 

Waiting for my new lenses I got used to overcast days. Spring was slow to come and the lack of clarity in my physical vision seemed to blind my mental clarity as well. It was hard to find a rhythm and routine and therefore harder to grow and progress.

Seeing a rainbow gives us the opportunity to appreciate both the rain and the sunlight simultaneously. Both can be signs of good weather!

So how do I take the weather of my past, use it to appreciate my current weather patterns, while building a forecast for my future? I need to let my soul soar with hope and imagination in order to find purpose in my future.

Choosing The Right Frame

For an adult with such a petite face as mine, even some of the "kids" glasses are too big. I only found one pair online with the right sized measurements, so choosing my frames was simple.

Choosing my attitude frames is not so black and white. But for me, living the gospel of Jesus Christ makes choices simpler. As I seek to understand the doctrines and apply them in love, the Holy Spirit helps to confirm and guide my thoughts and feelings with a clarity similar to receiving a new pair of glasses. Listening to General Conference also helps me keep the prescription on my spiritual lenses up to date.

How do you maintain your spiritual growth? 

What everyday experiences are bring you closer to Christ? I'd love to hear about it. Comment below or email me!