Gratitude and Unity: Lessons from 2020

I am grateful for my body and its limits. I often feel my healthiest and most balanced while pregnant. Getting back to pre-pregnancy weight isn't one of my goals, though it happens naturally enough as I have been blessed to breastfeed both my babies. Exercising and being grateful for my body comes most naturally during pregnancy and is often most difficult for me post partum.

I am grateful for my rapidly growing baby boy. Because my 9 month old has almost outgrown his infant car seat in height and has been more than 20 pounds for several months now, I am developing arm muscle and definition I haven't ever enjoyed in my previous 32 years of life. I am also developing shoulder and hip injuries from carrying him outside my womb, and so I give thanks for my massage therapist, chiropractor, and personal trainer and for the financial means to afford such excellent care and treatment.

I am most grateful for my friend and personal trainer, Gretchen Weise, teaching me how to listen to my body. From our joint discoveries I have been reminded of life lessons I learned from my former voice teacher, Cynthia Haymon Coleman. Sometimes in singing (and elsewhere in life) I try to use part of my body to be helpful by doing things it wasn't designed to do. If I couldn't have that favorite muscle group do it all then I condemned all its behavior as bad. 

But lately I have been learning to listen without judgement and for that I am grateful. For example, it's easier to feel supported and connected when I think about using my whole body to do whatever I'm doing. I used to consciously try and only use certain parts of my body or compartmentalize and consciously cue each individual muscle group I wanted to use rather than just drop in and say "hi, I want to sit," and let my whole body effortlessly respond, "I got this."

That led to realizations about how as a member of one body, say my family, I sometimes try to do it all or do something that isn't inherently mine. When instead I could trust the other members of the body to work together as one with me to clean or build unity or whatever we choose to do.

Oneness of purpose really does bring ease. And God only knows 2020 could use some ease.

I am also grateful to find such teachings in the scriptures. For example, this scripture written by the apostle Paul:

For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit. For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body.

How are you achieving unity and oneness of purpose in your home? In your neighborhood and online communities? I want to know. 

Here's one last bit of food for thought: By Union of Feeling We Obtain Power with God

'Tis the season: Focusing in on What Matters Most

It is 39 days until Christmas! This afternoon I showed Jonathan his first Christmas music video and he was in awe. Christmas for me is filled with traditions celebrating light and service, modeled after Christ's birth and life. We usually do a lot of reflection and service as part of our countdown in addition to the annual nativity reenactment on Christmas Eve. We don’t listen to much non-religious Christmas music, and we study the miracles of the first Christmas as we recall miracles from our own lifetime. 

So in the debate about "when is it too early to celebrate Christmas?" I personally prefer to find ways to celebrate like this year-round! No, I wasn't asked to preach about an early Christmas this year or even the very first Christmas. 

I was asked to speak about coming to Christ by centering on Him and His teachings. The famous wise men of old traveled far looking for the young Christ child; they knew how to come unto him because they recognized God's promises and followed the star. Another wise man is spoken of in scripture and song as building his home on the Rock. We can be like both types of wise men when we build our homes and lives on the teachings of Jesus Christ. 

In this past general conference Bishop Wadell taught: “Everything, then, points to Jesus Christ as the foundation upon which we must build even our temporal preparedness.” In scripture, Jesus is known as the Rock or Chief Cornerstone. "A cornerstone (or foundation stone...) is the first stone set in the construction of a masonry foundation. All other stones will be set in reference to this stone, thus determining the position of the entire structure." (Wikipedia) 

Finding Center and Building Focus

Now I haven't ever tried to build something like that but I'm guessing that most of are like me in that you have drawn a circle! When you want to draw a perfect circle, you measure every point an equal distance from the center. In the October 2015 general conference, there was a story shared of a Japanese potter teaching youth about the importance of centering the clay exactly on the wheel in order for it to be molded into anything. This reminds me of a beautiful hymn and scripture which reads: 

Have thine own way Lord, have thine own way. Thou art the Potter; I am The Clay. Mold me and make me after thy will, while I am waiting yielded and still.

In that same session, Sister Neill F. Marriott taught: How do we, a modern, busy, competitive people, become yielded and still? How do we make the Lord’s ways our ways? I believe we begin by learning of Him and praying for understanding. As our trust in Him grows, we open our hearts, seek to do His will, and wait for answers that will help us understand. 

In practicing mindfulness, one learns to find and "hold center" in the midst of chaos. And 2020 has been chaotic. We need to hold space front and center for Christ in our minds and hearts. And when on occasion that seems to be more than we can do, we must remember that God is always holding space for us. 

"Hope in the Hands of the Potter "

For purchase here.

How do we "hold space" for God? 

In the most recent general conference, President Nelson shared a translation for the word Israel: let God prevail. Prevail doesn't just mean to be victorious against opposing forces; it means frequent, predominant, and persistent. If God is prevailing in our life, it means we are coming unto Him and being filled with His love and light. 

A friend of mine recently commented to me: What we fix our eyes on and fill our minds with truly influences our hearts. "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not” (Doctrine and Covenants 6:36). So… what do you do when there's nothing to do? What do you think when you choose what to think about? What fills your mind and heart? 

Imagine you're holding space literally and figuratively as you hold a perfect cup of hot cocoa in your hands. What happens if I am in a hurry and bump into you as I rush past? What happens to that cocoa in your cup? Why did you spill it? Because I bumped into you? Well yes. And no. If there had been milk in your cup, you would have spilled milk. You see, life has given each of us a cup and we get to decide how to fill it. 

How Christ's Atonement Holds Space for Us

What can we do when life makes us spill our "cup of milk?" I believe it's okay to feel discouraged and maybe even "cry over spilled milk." But we must also remember what President Boyd K. Packer once taught: “Restoring what you cannot restore, healing the wound you cannot heal, fixing that which you broke and you cannot fix is the very purpose of the atonement of Christ.” It is enough and it magnifies our efforts so we can become enough. 

In our Stake Conference last week, Sister Caitlyn Cooney bore a powerful witness that “As we strengthen our testimony of Christ and his gospel, and as we trust Him and His atonement while seeking to do the Father’s will, we can use our hands to lift, love, and serve our brothers and sisters. This will bring joy in this life and the life to come.” I add my testimony to hers and to Sister Harkness when she taught last month: 

Regardless of our circumstances, we can intentionally make efforts to build and increase our faith in Jesus Christ. It is strengthened when we remember that we are children of God and that He loves us. Our faith grows as we experiment on the word of God with hope and diligence, trying our very best to follow Christ’s teachings. Our faith increases as we choose to believe rather than doubt, forgive rather than judge, repent rather than rebel. Our faith is refined as we patiently rely on the merits and mercy and grace of the Holy Messiah. 

“While faith is not a perfect knowledge,” Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, “it brings a deep trust in God, whose knowledge is perfect!”

What does being centered in Christ feel like? 

When we are centered aesthetically speaking, we are balanced. I believe when we are centered on Christ when we find balance in Him and are able to find peace and joy no matter our circumstances. Like the hymn promises: 

"There is peace in Christ 

When we learn of Him 

Feel the love He felt for us 

When He bore our sins 

Listen to His words 

Let them come alive 

If we know Him as He is 

There is peace in Christ 

He gives us hope 

When hope is gone 

He give us strength 

When we can't go on 

He give us shelter 

In the storms of life 

When there's no peace on Earth 

There is peace in Christ." 

His way is the path that leads to happiness in this life and eternal life in the world to come. Let him lead you, guide you, walk beside you and teach you all that you must do because "True faith is focused in and on the Lord Jesus Christ and always leads to action.” He has promised that if we come unto him--center on him--we will find an unearthly peace and rest. Matt. 11:28-30

How Secondary Infertility Served Me

As my due date of Valentine's Day is a mere ten days away, I find myself learning "how to savor every moment slowly." In many ways this pregnancy has flown by, but at the same time it has felt much longer than 9 months. Many already know that this miraculous pregnancy was 8 years in the making. While I have learned and appreciated familiar reminders and many new life lessons this pregnancy, I want to take a moment to honor God by talking about what I've learned from His walk with me these past years. Many of these lessons I believe I couldn't have effectively learned without overcoming the challenges I have.

The Lord Keeps His Promises

1. It's okay to not understand how or when those promises will be fulfilled.
2. God knows and wants what is best for you. Sometimes He alone has the power to make it so.
3. Sometimes you won't want what God wants for you. And that's okay. This is one of the main purposes of prayer! In order to have our will come into alignment with the Lord's there will at some point be moments of discord.
4. Many of God's promises take time, because it's not just about the destination or end result but also about how we got there. 
5. Learning to love others means bearing their burdens and mourning with them as they mourn; empathy has allowed me to do this on a whole other level. Empathy has made me a better Christian covenant keeper.
6. Trials are blessings in disguise and we can learn to be grateful for them even while in them.
7. Patience, faith, gratitude, hope, and many other godly attributes take time to gradually develop.
8. Keeping a journal—even an irregular one—can provide much needed continuity and strength.
9. When you reach your breaking point, God can and will take your burdens if you give them to Him. Learn to surrender your worries and then not look back to pick them up again once you’ve turned them over to God. (See Matt. 11:28-30)

I didn't always view infertility as a blessing. I know it was a trial and a blessing for me but it is one that I can truly say I am grateful for. This gratitude came gradually but it also came long before receiving any medical answers or probabilities of pregnancy. Like years before. At first it felt like an emotional roller coaster of course, but not no more than half of these past 8 years felt like that. Reading journal entries in an annual fashion (similar to when Google reminds me of photos taken so many years ago) helped me remember this. Even as recently as 3 years ago I was still struggling regularly with depression and anxiety over certain things beyond my control. But getting pregnant wasn't one of those things. There aren't words to explain this gradual yet monumental attitude shift.

Patience is a Virtue

If this sort of shift sounds impossible in your journey please be patient with yourself. For me the song "Better than I" has taught me how to get there as well as become a summary of my journey.

I thought I did what's right

I thought I had the answers

I thought I chose the surest road

But that road brought me here

So I put up a fight

And told you how to help me

Now just when I have given up

The truth is coming clear

You know better than I

You know the way

I've let go the need to know why

For you know better than I

If this has been a test

I cannot see the reason

But maybe knowing I don't know

Is part of getting through

I try to do what's best

And faith has made it easy

To see the best thing I can do

Is put my trust in you

You know better than I

You know the way

I've let go the need to know why

For you know better than I

I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky

I saw a bird and thought that I could follow

But it was you who taught that bird to fly

If I let you reach me will you teach me

For You know better than I

You know the way

I've let go the need to know why

I'll take what answers you supply

You know better than I

President Russell M. Nelson taught: 

To be sure, there may be times when you feel as though the heavens are closed. But I promise that as you continue to be obedient, expressing gratitude for every blessing the Lord gives you, and as you patiently honor the Lord’s timetable, you will be given the knowledge and understanding you seek. Every blessing the Lord has for you—even miracles—will follow. That is what personal revelation will do for you.

You Can Choose

1. Not everything is beyond your control: You can choose to be helpful and hopeful rather than helpless and hopeless.
2. We don’t have to feel stress about things beyond our control: and frankly almost everything in life is beyond your control when you think about it.
3. Sometimes you will be mad at God. But you can choose not to be, and He will help.
4. Sometimes there are choices you cannot make (due to hormones, chemical imbalances, finances, whatever) no matter how much you want to. God can and will help with those!
5. God could have helped us conceive much sooner than the seven years it took, but I've learned not to begrudge Him those growing pains that I needed.
6. There may be a temptation to wait for happiness or fully living your life until the pregnancy comes: please don't wait. 
7. No matter your circumstances, you can choose a mindful—even joyful—life in the present that is full of hope for your unknown future.
8. Dream beautifully about your future. But also be willing to let go of certain dreams to make room for other dreams and realities.
9. Don’t be resentful of unsolicited advice. Try to feel the kindness of where it’s coming from even if it’s irrelevant or tactless.

Whatever your infertility journey, it doesn't have to be a hellish state of limbo. You really can enjoy a full life given your current circumstances. Even if those circumstances remain. There were auditions skipped, vacations missed, classes I didn't take, talents I chose not to cultivate, all because of the possibility of getting pregnant soon. At one point in trying to conceive, my husband and I came to terms with the hypothetical that we might be a one-child family. Surprisingly, near the end of my first trimester I had a period of mourning where I had to let go of some of the beautiful dreams we'd created for our one-child family. This had to happen before I could move from denial to gratitude and daydreaming about a very different future.

I remember being at church and hearing another friend's happy news that she was pregnant. I remember washing my hands in the bathroom and having a really brief, candid conversation with God.

Lord, I want to be happy for her. I know whether or not she is pregnant doesn't limit or affect my ability to get pregnant. I have felt this irrational jealousy in the past. But right now I just feel mad. I think I feel mad at you. And I don't want to. Please help me to choose differently.

I'll never forget the next instant when there was an immediate change. God took away the anger I was trying to give away to Him and made space for the love and joy I wanted to feel for my friend! One night I had a similar, sacred experience with anger and depression directed at my husband. When I prayed for the overwhelming negativity to be lifted I felt Christ's arms literally encircle me like a parent cradling a sleeping child as He whispered, "It's going to be okay. I've got you." Ever since then I have not struggled with choosing to lovingly communicating with my husband; it's a choice that sometimes takes more effort than at other times, but I no longer feel unable to make that choice.

Gifts of the Spirit and of Health

I remember feeling the healthiest I had ever felt physically, emotionally, and even spiritually when Victoria was about to enter kindergarten. I was enjoying regularly exercising with a group of ladies from church, several of whom also struggled with infertility. I had the stamina to do anything and everything I wanted and needed to: last minute service opportunities were a regular occurrence and and the unexpected schedule changes never felt draining. I was meeting weekly with a therapist going on two years at that point, but now it felt like our visits were less about helping me survive and more about helping me celebrate successes and learn new tools to cultivate joy and readiness. I felt like I was living life to its fullest with hope for my unknown future.

For example, I mostly loved spending all day with my daughter but I was also excited to discover new ways to build our relationship and use my alone time while she was at school all day. We knew we would be moving at the end of the school year and yet even when we weren't sure where or when, I was at peace with not knowing. With that move we didn't know whether we would or could continue meeting with infertility specialists: and we were okay either way.

1. My body was designed to bear children. But it was also designed to do a great many other things.
2. Regular strengthening and flexibility training of your physical body will impact your social, mental, emotional, and even spiritual health more than you can imagine. 
3. Finding ways to regularly serve inside and outside of your immediate family doesn't have to and shouldn't burn you out: it can and will lift you.
4. You can be a mother without ever giving birth. Look for such opportunities.
5. You have eternal worth as a woman outside of your eternal destiny to be a wife and mother: find reminders of this truth and cultivate them. Grow yourself and step into that power of being a daughter of God.
6. Make time to be with your Father in Heaven and hold yourself accountable to Him for how you're using your time. This can even be done in part through regular appointments with a counselor.
7. Mindfulness activities are a must. They increase your emotional intelligence and help deepen the benefits of your physical exercise.
8. Learn to “worry with God” instead. Imagine your fear becoming a reality and then asking, “What if this worst case scenario happens and God shows up in a miraculous way?”

Relearning Faith and Hope

1. Faith and hope in God look & feel different at different times in your life.
2. People going through the same trial go through it differently; there is grace in acknowledging this.
3. Learn to ask for help. Let others minister to you.
4. Trusting in God doesn't mean feeling joyful no matter what but for me it meant a capacity to feel peace no matter what.
5. Make and keep covenants with God & feast on His written word.
6. God wants to share in our joy.
7. He also has many "love gifts" to give to us.
8. God's deliverance can be both immediate and take time.
9. Gratitude and awe can coexist with fear and disappointment but you’ll feel more stable if you learn to cultivate the “positive” emotions while acknowledging but not feeding or being overwhelmed by the less comfortable ones.

Since it was difficult for us to conceive and took so long the second time, I sort of lost faith in my ability to be pregnant, give birth, and parent. We had been trying different methods with Yale's infertility clinic including IVF. We were able to receive through the grace of God 6 embryos for freezing. In the midst of moving across the country I was able to delay my flight so I could be 2 days PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise.) During the drawn out process of conception and confirming that my body wasn't going to miscarry, we had many angels help us in IL, CT, and WA. So many people were praying for us.

This pregnancy I have been praying to understand and receive God's love so that I can be more compassionate. I have yearned "to taste and savor His delicious love." (Song of Solomon 2:3-4) Trying to more consistently feast on His word throughout my pregnancy has given me a greater understanding and appreciation for the love of God and the unending source of strength and peace it can be in my life as a parent. (See Deut. 5:6-7 and previous blog post here.)

I hope in recording and sharing these examples of answered prayers and the Lord's undeparting kindness are beneficial for more than just myself. I can think of no better way to prepare for and celebrate Valentine's Day than to bear grateful witness of the Lord's love.

Bumpdate #2: Gratitude at 28 weeks

Birth, the Miracle that Keeps on Giving
My sister Rebecca just gave birth a little over a week ago and my sister Elizabeth announced recently that she'll be giving birth ~13 weeks after me! Several friends of mine are also pregnant, some for the first time and some after years of trying. Something about pregnancy seems to prepare us for the sacrifices ahead.

It's usually easier to find words for the difficulties and disappointments than it is to give voice to the transcendental goodness that comes from having a child in your life. No language I have studied or heard of seems to have found the words yet to describe the various emotional cocktails I've been drinking lately. Whether it's my eight year old happily volunteering to sing in church with me or begging to audition for the musical after school, Baby Peanut's active personality and consistent movements, the compassion of the midwives at Swedish, or the awe and delight in my husband's voice as he explains how impressive and distracting the baby's movements were rehearsal... there is so much goodness and grace to be had! I cannot help but be grateful that I was able to get on this roller coaster ride once again.

28 Blessings in 28 weeks
Since this is the month where everyone seems to express the most gratitude and we've entered the third trimester, I thought I would jump on the bandwagon and make a list from these last two trimesters. Thanks to Victoria for helping me find words for some of these!

1. That we could afford IVF
2. That we could do our frozen embryo transfer despite our cross-country move
3. That Greg's new employer covered moving costs like professional movers & airplane tickets
4. My mother in-law and countless CT friends who helped with that busy month of May
5. That my body accepted this pregnancy
6. Quickly finding compassionate and thorough medical assistance here in WA
7. Getting an earlier ultrasound to confirm the health and safety of me and the baby
8. Neighbors and friends but also strangers who were genuinely joyful at our news even when I was still struggling to believe it
9. New & dear friends who could help me get to the ER for treatments when needed (9.5 weeks)
10. Various artists on Youtube sharing their relaxing music to help calm my morning-sick nerves
11. Hypnobirthing breathing exercises & guided meditations to help calm my morning-sick nerves and rid myself of worries
12. A responsible and resourceful 8 year old daughter who often takes care of herself and me
13. Uplifting and edifying birth stories on A Heavenly Welcome and other websites
14. A rekindled love of scripture study as I ponder what God has to say and seek after promised blessings in pregnancy and parenthood
15. Having a bath tub and powerful hot water heater
16. Biocleanse (hypoallergenic magnesium & fiber supplement) from Plexus
17. Being able to teach voice and sing well Handel's Messiah amid the constant changes of my instrument
18. Priceless one-on-one yoga & pilates instruction throughout the rest of this pregnancy: thanks Gretchen Wiese!
19. Despite it being cold and flu season our entire household has been healthy and protected!
20. Weekly temple visits during the second trimester (and hopefully the third)
21. Lactose-free milk: easily consuming a gallon and a half each week I have been dubbed a "milk bibber"
22. Positive scripture-based pregnancy affirmations & guided meditations from A Heavenly Welcome
23. Being able to get the Tdap vaccine while pregnant so that my unborn baby can absorb my antibodies and be blessed with partial immunity to some fatal illness
24. A wood-burning fireplace for a beautiful source of warmth in our home
25. A flexible schedule for when my body decides to be less than flexible
26. Online classes like BYU Independent Study so I can renew my teaching certification from the comfort of my own home & at my own pace
27. Having enough money from Greg's new job & my voice studio to have our needs and wants provided
28. A supportive husband (whether it's leaving the car at home for me to use, doing the dishes and laundry, or being the patient parent and partner he is)

Bumpdate: Spiritual and Physical Lessons through Pregnancy

As an organized, creative, and slightly impulsive person I love to find and nurture beauty and truth so I can share it with others. I recently learned that the archaic meaning of the word prove is "to learn from ones own experience." I hope that some of the experiences I share resonate with you on your life journey, but more so I pray that you'll be inspired to seek out your own learning opportunities.

Living in God's Rest through Pregnancy, Birth, & Motherhood

I recently watched a Youtube video from A Heavenly Welcome and was struck by how versatile and applicable this lesson was. What does it mean to you to live in God's rest? How does that affect your day to day actions as a spouse, a parent, a neighbor, and even just as an individual?

There are two ways that I have experienced God's rest and His presence in my life recently: 1) discovering the symbiotic relationship of faith and hope and 2) God is enough and He wants to share His abundance.

Relearning faith and hope

Faith and hope in God look different at different times in my life and even feel different for people who seem to be going through similar circumstances. Because it was difficult to get pregnant again, I had to relearn and rebuild my relationship with God. I had grown up having young faith in Him and His will, which I knew would always prevail. But I didn't understand hope.


Hope means that I can feel blessed with peace when I don't understand or I feel unheard and misunderstood. It means that even when God says, "No," or "Not yet," to a good wish or righteous desire, I can choose to have joyous hope in His goodness. Many times God doesn't immediately deliver us and yet at the same time, He does. God could have helped us conceive much sooner than the seven years it took, but I've learned not to begrudge Him those growing pains that I needed. During the drawn out process of conception and confirming that my body wasn't going to miscarry, we had many angels help us in IL, CT, and WA. So many people were praying for us!

One of the last testing days 
at Yale's infertility clinic

Kyle S. McKay testified that:

God also gives immediate hope for eventual deliverance.6 No matter what, no matter where, in Christ and through Christ there is always hope smiling brightly before us.7 Immediately before us.

Moreover, He has promised, “My kindness shall not depart from thee.”8

My Shepherd will supply my need

This pregnancy I have been praying to understand and receive God's love so that I can be more compassionate. It is a necessary resource I find myself constantly running out of. Do you ever feel yourself frustrated running out of time, patience, or even money? God wishes to share His abundant goodness with each of us as His children: HE IS ENOUGH. So what does that mean for your fears and frustrations?

One way God has been enough for me lately is by sharing His love. Throughout my life but especially this pregnancy, I have yearned "to taste and savor His delicious love." (Song of Solomon 2:3-4) In answer to these prayers He has been teaching me about His joy.

When was the last time you witnessed joy? So many times in my first trimester I was grateful for the joyful support for friends and even strangers: the staff workers at the Navitat ropes course in TN when they found out why only Greg and Victoria were participating; the cashier at Michael's in WA when we purchased supplies to embroider Victoria's "big sister at last" T shirt; and my aunts who supported us in grad school during the initial infertility diagnosis and rejoiced with us in our pregnancy announcement this summer. Their happiness for me allowed me to choose my own happiness over the creeping doubts and worries that so often accompany a pregnancy.

My favorite scripture regarding our joy in the Lord is Alma 26:16.

Therefore, let us glory, yea, we will glory in the Lord; yea, we will rejoice, for our joy is full; yea, we will praise our God forever. Behold, who can glory too much in the Lord? Yea, who can say too much of his great power, and of his mercy, and of his long-suffering towards the children of men? Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel.

Ask and Ye shall Receive

John 15:7, 11 reads: If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. ...I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

See also John 16:33. While declaring my faith in the Lord's promises, I have been careful to ask in prayer without a sense of commanding God. I've sought out many promised blessings and received many more as I laid my cares at the feet of Christ. Matt 11:28-30.

I had very few fears of childbirth from my previous experiences but as I mentioned earlier, I had sort of lost faith in my ability to work with God because of how long it took us to conceive. So I learned to play this great game called "Worry with God." Anytime I found myself worrying about a scenario I learned to lengthen my "what if..." question: What if the worse case scenario happens and God shows up in a miraculous way? This has reinforced the lesson that God is enough; He is not limited by my circumstances and will provide for my needs and wants.

I testify that God's grace is enough. It is enough to support me through the ups and downs of infertility, pregnancy, cross-country moves, and so much more. I love that as I prepare for the birth physically and spiritually, and as I show my gratitude and faith through obedience, I build hope and trust in Him.

It's Never Too Early to Celebrate Christmas: Our Pregnancy Announcement

I've got a few confessions to make:

1. I've started listening to Christ-centered Christmas music every other day now. I suspect it will soon become a daily occurrence, and I'm not sorry for it.

2. For those who haven't heard the good news yet, I am about half way through my second pregnancy! Through the grace of God and a round of IVF we were able to conceive again. We'll find out the gender Christmas morning.

Christmas is Worth the Wait

Two years ago the following note was left in my otherwise empty stocking. I found it when packing stockings for our family's trip to Uncle Kent and Aunt Heather's for Christmas morning in Indy.

Dear Danielle,

Your stocking is empty because I am working on a very special present for you at the request of your daughter, Victoria. She would really like a baby sister. That's not the kind of gift we make at the North Pole but I have passed this special request along to the proper authorities. I look forward to the possibility of delivering the good news myself next year.

Wait and See,
Love, Santa

P.S. Please be patient and a little less bossy with Victoria.

Victoria's stocking had several treats and toys but also this note:

Dear Victoria,

I received your last minute Christmas wish list this afternoon. As I told your mother, that's not the kind of gift we make at the North Pole; but I have passed this special request along to the proper authorities. The elves also reminded me that you'd like a bunny or a doll. We didn't get those requests to the workshop in time this year, but perhaps my friends the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy will be able to help.

Remember, it's easiest for me to do my job when you can't see me. But just like God, you don't have to see to believe!

Love, Santa

P.S. Remember to stay off the naughty list by talking in a kind tone of voice no matter what!

On the back she wrote in gel pen, "Mom and Dad don't be mane [mean]".

April 2019 brought a round of IVF that yielded 10 fertilized eggs and ultimately 6 embryos for freezing! That's better than any Easter Bunny gift so we give credit to God.

2 days before moving to the west coast (end of May), we did a frozen embryo transfer that successfully implanted. So we're due with Baby #2 in February 2020!

We'll find out whether Peanut is a boy or a girl when we open our present Christmas morning. 

Feel free to post your guesses here.

Modesty: A Promised Attitude of Preparation

Wherever you go in the world, there are opinions and traditions that you may not agree with. Some differences are obvious and some differences are subtle. Sometimes even if our actions are quite similar to another's, we can feel divided or misunderstood because our reasons are quite different. Ironically, I have found that these differences often feel as big as when I openly disagree with someone.

Even in places of supposed unity (the Church, ones family) there are inevitable differences. Today I feel the need to address a subtle difference I have when it comes to the Christian attitude of modesty. If you're a member of The Church of Jesus Christ I can almost feel you eye rolling. Please take a deep breath, read the title of the post, and consider what modesty means outside the realm of dress code.

A Promised Attitude

In the temple we covenant to obey 5 laws, the fifth of which is the law of consecration. As an endowed member of The Church of Jesus Christ, I have promised God that I will use all the blessings He has given me to build up His kingdom on the earth. This promised attitude applies to my actions as well as my motivations. 

Let me explain. If I for example, help shovel snow for an hour before church meetings only to find out that the meetings were cancelled, I don't need to feel like that was wasted service because no one was around to appreciate my efforts. Instead I can be like the reformed, repentant Jean Valjean from Les Miserables. "He went about doing his good deeds as secretly as most men go about doing their evil ones." This to me is the epitome of modesty.

A scriptural example of modesty can be found in the Pearl of Great Price when reading of the grand council in Heaven where God presented His plan for the eternal salvation of man. This plan needed a savior in order for us to have a chance to return to Heaven. Two volunteered but only one demanded the Father's glory. Jesus Christ was modest and meek; he willingly volunteered to be the savior and redeemer of us all, without demanding anything in return. Of course he does receive crowning blessings of glory for his actions and for making the plan possible. His infinitely virtuous atoning sacrifice was truly an expression of love.

Sow a Thought, Reap an Action

Now I'm not going to save the world with my modesty and meekness but my humble expressions of these attitudes are also actions of love. 

Modesty affects how I think. Since my thoughts cause my feelings which lead to actions or repeated thoughts known as beliefs, there's a variety of end results from thinking modest thoughts. Thinking modestly can sound like "using clean and intelligent language [as] evidence of a bright and wholesome mind" or graciously thanking someone for a compliment while giving God the glory. It  feels like versatile comfort for me and those around me as I don't call undue attention to myself (use your imagination here because there are lots of ways to help others feel uncomfortable.) 

What does modesty look like?

Modesty is so much more than a dress code and often when it is taught in such narrow-minded application we misunderstand the eternal principles of agency and accountability as well as the gospel laws we covenant to obey in the temple and elsewhere. Modesty in action is almost invisible because it does not draw attention to itself, but think of someone you know who serves behind the scenes. This is what modesty looks like.

When my daughter wants to wear something that is deemed too revealing or otherwise inappropriate for said activity (a swimsuit in the library for example), here is how I teach and why:

Modesty is a way we prepare ourselves to make and receive sacred promises from God in His holy temples. This includes but is not at all limited to our manner of dress. So if my attitude and actions are preparing me for the temple then they're definitely "appropriate."

MORE THAN A DRESS CODE
My 7 year old told me the other day, "You know the primary song 'Reverence is More Than Just Quietly Sitting'? You should write a verse about modesty being more than just covering up."


So what attitudes have blessed your life? I'd love to hear about them! How has an attitude affected you and those around you?