Finding God's Grace Through Productive Thinking

When I am "stuck" doing things I don't really want to be doing but I do them anyway (as a wife and mother I have many tasks that float in and out of that realm,) I am learning to be more like Christ. He didn't want to sacrifice but was willing to do it anyway. While none of my sacrifices will compare in significance and impact to the world, I have countless opportunities to

• do things for others that they cannot do for themselves.
• do things for my household that no one else can do.
• enable others to do what they need or want to do.

Remembering all this helps me when I lack the motivation to do the unwanted. I may not have the will power to change that task into a want-to-do item, but I can do it anyway because I do want to enable others and empower them. By doing so I enable and empower myself!

Sometimes I am overwhelmed as a house wife and mother to a young child because of all the things I feel I need to do. But some of that overwhelm is of my own choosing and completely unnecessary. When I get fearful that if I don't do something it won't get done, sometimes it's best for me and those I am serving to experience that thing not getting done so that others can recognize the task as being one worth doing.

For example, I really want to teach my daughter responsibility by having her do a daily chore or two; she knows what they are. When I am tempted to feel frustrated with her for not setting the table and we are hungrily waiting to eat dinner because there's nothing to eat it on or with, I can choose not to set the table and we'll just joke about eating with invisible dishes before saying a prayer and then she'll make her choice from there. Or if she doesn't put her dirty clothes away, I can go about my day and move them out of my way but not put them in the laundry until she notices the pile and/or runs out of things to wear and then she'll make her choice from there. In order for her to learn responsibility, she needs to discover her own life moments where if she doesn't do it then it doesn't get done! I can also try and notice what she is doing instead of whatever I was hoping she'd do, so that I can try to see value in her current choice instead of the choice I was expecting her to make.

And if I end up doing something myself I can replace with resentful self talk with positivity like, My family is so blessed to have someone like me and I am so blessed that I am physically capable of doing this work.
Sometimes we struggle to reconcile our reality with what we want or feel is supposed to be. This made me think of a people-pleasing anecdote that can work for when we are at odds with ourselves. The following poem is by Dr. Kent M. Keith that is inscribed on the wall of Mother Theresa's orphanage in Calcutta, India.

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;

It was never between you and them anyway.

When I am being unreasonable or illogical and self centered I can forgive myself. I can always strive to do the right thing for the right reason and try to presume others will do the same. I can overcome my fear and spend monumental effort creating because even if it is not fully appreciated or gets destroyed, I know that it was still worth doing. I can forget the good that I or others have done and feel handicapped in my ability to do and be good; but I will strive to do and be good anyway and work hard to recognize and remember the goodness of others and especially God. Because in the end it's all between Him and me anyway.

How have you been enabled by grace lately? How have you enabled others through your service?

Perfection Pending: Learning From Life's Broken Moments

This morning at the bus stop Victoria told me, "I don't like it when you talk like that." I asked her whether she was referring to my use of the adjective broken or my tone of voice and she without looking at me she replied, "Both."

Disclaimer: While I try to only apply the label broken to myself, it sometimes is one I use in front of my daughter when we are both upset so that one or both of us are knowingly thinking thoughts and making choices that don't serve us. 

"You know the scriptures use the word broken so I'm okay with using it but I will try to only ever use it in a pleasant, calm tone of voice." 

Second disclaimer: In the future I will try to never use broken to describe anyone since there are similar labels that can serve us better. More on that in a minute.

I feel like the word broken is offensive to many people. But God requires us to be broken. How many times in the scriptures do we read the phrase "a broken heart and a contrite spirit"? It turns out that brokenness is involved before getting into heaven so my dear sweet daughter, please don't be offended if I use broken to describe either of us. There are so many things that can be broken about us. But that doesn't mean that it's permanent or that we're somehow inferior. It means that we're in a position to realize just how much we need God! Brokenness will be my companion and yours in this life but when we recognize it as the opportunity for God's grace to change us, in that moment we are becoming unbroken and saved beings.

Evidence of The Fall

If you're feeling uncomfortable with the word broken consider these similar thoughts from my dear friend Summer Harper:
I think it's a cool concept and it actually made me think of a similar word which is also scriptural but would maybe serve me personally better: fallen. We're in a "fallen world" and we have these fallen, less-than bodies. But I don't think it does the emotional heart-wrenching of broken... I never thought of the word broken. I see where it's in the scriptures. I think that before meditating on it, it isn't a word that serves me but it's cool that it serves you. As for telling it to a child, I would make sure not that they don't just simply understand it but that they can see it and understand it from the perspective of the scriptures. But as far as my kids and using the word broken, they're going to think "worthless and not good." Because when a toy breaks we through it away. We get rid of it [because] we don't keep broken things. At least, that's the way we've structured our home and the way I think they would first thing of it. And fallen isn't a word my kids would associate with anything else so I could teach them that principle. And even if they may not grasp it at first, they're not going to associate it with something else that's commonly used [in a negative way.] 

The last time I intuitively ate lunch: apple and cheese
quesadilla on GF spinach wrap with GF chicken nuggets.

I am broken and fallen. I've been feeling less broken in that I am overcoming my battles with anxiety and depression; and I feel hopeful that our secondary infertility is not meant to be a permanent battle. But I am broken because intuitive eating is something that doesn't consistently exist in my world. While I wouldn't say that I have anorexia anymore, I would say that I am currently suffering from "disordered eating" as some therapists call it. And it makes it hard to take care of my body. But I still try to love my body. I'm not not eating because I'm self conscious about the shape or weight of my body. I'm not eating because I don't know how to process the stimuli around me. I am making food a lower priority because there are more pressing things on my mind right now, so my fallen body refuses to let me prepare, eat, or otherwise enjoyably digest food. And that makes me feel broken. And I'm okay with that.

It's not something I'm going to accept lying down and not doing anything about. But I am accepting of it. Which is the first step in being able to choose to change. This also allows me to continue living a life that's worth living! I have the choice to not stay fallen but rather be lifted by the grace of God as I try to make better choices and rise above any less-than-ideal circumstances.

Redeemed by Grace

When people are thinking and acting in ways that don't serve themselves or anyone else, I can still believe in their potential for perfection. Their lives are worth living and if they're not living up to their potential that is between them and God. I too have the potential to be perfect! Speaking as the scriptures do, we all liven in a fallen world with fallen bodies. "For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive." 1 Corinthians 15:22 "For Adam fell that men might be; and men are that they might have joy." 2 Nephi 2:25.

Let me give you a few more examples of perfection-pending moments from my life.

Feeling Frustration

I feel like my daughter doesn't get frustrated often but when she does, it's often a big deal because she doesn't know how to process it and isn't open to suggestions. In those moments especially, I feel like I'm failing her as a mom when I see her failing to work through her emotions. But I need to remember that that's. Her. Choice. It is perfectly fine for me to leave the room when she's screaming and crying, so that I can hang on to my sanity and positive vibrations. I would like to eventually learn how to model other ways of working through uncomfortable feelings for when you cannot leave but for now, we're both still in our emotional childhood, learning and growing together. So of course emotional moments are going to feel messy and big.

Me nearly 8 years ago, waiting to give birth to my daughter

Summer suggested in response to my desire to learn other ways of processing uncomfortable emotions when you can't leave to think of it like the labor and delivery of a child. That is something the really resonated with me and was a connection I immediately made to her initial thoughts but one that she made for herself later on in our conversation. "That's when you simply feel it. You don't have to do a model on it. You just sit there and feel it and it feels like whatever emotion...and you can close your eyes if you want. Kind of like when you're in labor! You can't avoid it. You're experiencing it but you need to just feel it and let it process, you know?"

Learning from Acceptance

In the midst of writing these realizations my phone went off to let me know that it's lunch time and I thought, "Oh really? Because I'm still finishing breakfast. Hmm, I guess it's going to be one of those days." I found myself in a conversation with myself.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean one of those I-am-still-finishing-breakfast-but-I-guess-I'll-start-lunch-now kind of days."

I didn't beat myself up for losing track of time to the point of not noticing my body's needs. I also didn't deny that it's wrong to starve myself. Instead of there being any judgement, negativity, or guilt there was acceptance. And that's a beautiful new thing for me. I could then move onto thoughts like, "Well, I'm still feeling tired and hungry and a bit unmotivated. Okay, well let's do something about that."

In conclusion I offer us this pearl of wisdom from Patricia T. Holland: "We must have the courage to be imperfect while striving for perfection."

What evidences of the Fall are you working with in your life and how are you doing that?

Gregory's Got a New Job on His Event Horizon!

We have enjoyed our year and a half in CT. Greg got to help improve cancer diagnosis by doing research for Yale’s Therapeutic Radiation Department while also teaching the physics course at a small private college. During our time here we have loved taking advantage of:

• Yale’s incredibly generous health insurance plan
• Living next to the bike path (~10 mile commute, one way)
• An awesome elementary school for Victoria
• Friendly, helpful neighbors
• Living near some Hart family
• A wonderful ward with delightful friends and many opportunities to serve
• Our giant main living area (great for fort building, gymnastics and dance shows, family dinner/movie nights, etc.) 
• Having the bus stop near a friendly doctor’s office where we regularly took shelter from the elements and adopted a grandma for Victoria named Pat
• Discovering a love of the Atlantic ocean and its sea shells

January and February were a bit crazy for our family because Greg was travelling quite a bit for job interviews (all while still trying to work full-time and maintain a regular class schedule for his students!) Twice the weather significantly affected his flights and extended his time away from us, but the funniest bit of craziness came the week after Valentine’s Day. We had an offer from BYU-Idaho for a 3 year visiting professor of physics position. We were trying to get an extension on our acceptance deadline for Illinois State University so Greg could interview at High Point University. Just after buying his tickets for that last interview he heard back from the Institute for Disease Modeling who wanted to fly him out to WA for in-person interviews that would overlap with the NC interview and occur two days after we needed to respond to ISU! After praying and fasting we decided to go ahead with the IDM interview in Washington, cancel our ticket to North Carolina, and tell ISU that we were sticking to our time table even if that meant telling them no on Wednesday because they couldn’t wait until Friday for us to tell them yes. We were also trying to figure out how to negotiate the several month gap between our current job and an academic one (no income, no health insurance, etc.)

After blood, sweat, and tears, Greg said yes twice and no twice in a single weekend to three offers! How's that for mixed-up math?

We love BYU-Idaho and Greg has always wanted to work there, but we’re ready to break our moving streak of not living somewhere for more than 5 years. Both IDM and ISU offered great pay and are near family and a temple; there wasn’t a wrong choice to be made. We are so grateful for the generosity and patience of BYU-Idaho, Illinois State University (especially Dan Holland), and those at IDM. We are also grateful for the strong support we've received from family and friends. We'll leave here June 1st (though Greg will likely begin work sooner so we'll get a visit from his mom.)

We chose the Institute for Disease Modeling!

Frequently Asked Questions:

Where will you be moving? The job is in Bellevue, WA but our new mailing address will likely be in Issaquah.

When will you move? Though Gregory's availability date is May 6th our whole family won't move out until June 1st.

Is this a teaching job our a research job? This is an industry position rather than an academic one. His position title will be Research Scientist.

Could you switch from industry to academia in the future? Yes.

Do you know anyone there? Yes, Greg's sister and her family live quite near there. Danielle has two aunts and several cousins that live an hour or so south, near where she grew up.

68 Days until General Conference!

Does anyone else periodically flick through their journal? I have one spiral bound notebook I use to take notes during Sunday meetings, daily gospel study, and especially general conference. While living in Illinois I took the Teachings of the Living Prophets course each time it was offered. The first part of the course gives guidelines for how to prepare for and then study general conference so we can not just "go to conference" but have conference go through us! Each 6 months the class changed because we studied new talks. One of the study skills I learned here was a reminder of something Elder David A. Bednar taught at the Rexburg Idaho temple dedication. He said that while it is a good and common practice to go to the temple with a question, it is even better to go to the temple asking the Lord to help us discover what one question He would have us ask. So I bring my questions and concerns to general conference but also keep a prayer in my heart that my one new question will be revealed. I also mark specific talks or partial quotes and scriptures that I feel I need to restudy for more general reasons.

As I was reviewing my notes from this past general conference I noticed that while I did a good job coming up with pondering questions and concerns then marking talks and impressions that addressed them, I also wrote down and marked goals in the margins. The problems is that of my 13 goals I have only consciously worked on half of them and only completed four. I haven't really been holding myself accountable for most of these goals and it's only 68 days until the next one! 

Goals

1. You're doing great but keep focusing on ways to be a missionary by worshiping and witnessing of Christ. (Elder Bangeter's talk)
2. I need to repair and maintain my eternal relationships as a mother, daughter, and sister. (Elder Oak's talk)
3. Eat your spiritual vegetables by losing yourself in ministering to others. (Elder D. Todd Christofferson)
4. Study all of President Nelson's past general conference talks like Bishop Davies did.
5. Accomplished goal: Have a FHE complete with chocolate cake to review Sister Franco's talk about serving the Lord without reservation.
6. Accomplished goal: Fast from social media and negative influences for 10 days, recording inspiration and priority shifts.
7. Accomplished goal: Read the Book of Mormon before the end of the year, highlighting references to Christ and being more intentional in talking of and rejoicing in Christ.
8. Go to the temple monthly!
9. Enjoy Relief Society more by studying its purpose statement; try writing your own. (the final of President Nelson's four challenges)
10. Improve all ministering aspects of my life by walking into the moment in love and listening without judgement (thought work/therapy really helps with this.)
11. Heal/tend to any scars that are corroding my peace.
12. In addition to prophetically prescribed Book of Mormon study, read Joseph Smith's testimony of the book to help more fully be a part of the gathering of Israel. (Elder Bowen's talk)
13. Accomplished goal (at Christmas): Ponder Christ's miracles to increase you faith in Him.

So I have only consciously worked on 7 out of these 13 goals in the past 3 months! While I completed goal number seven was inspired my sister, Lizzy's Facebook post reporting on her experiences and completion of President Nelson's Book of Mormon challenge. Now I want to try reading the Book of Mormon before we move and write a sticky note for each chapter of ways I came to know my Savior better. This will also help me be more committed to my Book of Mormon Institute class readings.

Talks to restudy

President Nelson's closing remarks and Saturday evening talk
Sister Joy J. Jones' talk
Elder D. Todd Christofferson's talk on double-mindedness
Elder Rasband's promised blessings (I reread this the morning of my Grandpa Eaton's funeral because that's where my bookmark was in reviewing the talks one by one.

Scriptures to Study

D&C 138
"the cause of Christ"
Future FHE: What does it mean to take upon us the name of Christ?
Future FHE lesson on "what do you fear?" (see Elder Rasband's talk)

My pondering questions and concerns were:

1. How can I have more compassion in my family and in my calling in Primary?
2. How can we improve the consistency of our fHE habits?
3. How can we better missionaries?
4. Where should we go when we are done with our post doc? Stay or go? How and when?
5. How can we grow our family? On a related note, how do I improve my immediate and long-term health?

The Saintly Virtue of Faith: What Mary the Mother of Christ Shows Me

I love Mary the mother of Jesus. I agree with Susan Easton Black who wrote:

         Although little of Mary’s life is actually recorded, what is recorded reveals a pattern of 

         righteousness. That pattern is (1) faithful obedience to the word of God, (2) expressive joy for 

         God’s blessings, (3) readiness to receive God’s witness and counsel from His servants, and (4) 

         rearing a posterity who glorified God.

In John 2:5-10 we read not only of Christ's first recorded miracle but also of more Mary's faithfulness. Elder L. Whitney Clayton explains:

         We usually remember this event because transforming water to wine was a demonstration of

         the power of God—it was a miracle. That is an important message, but there is another 

         important message in John’s account. Mary was “a precious and chosen vessel,”2 called by 

         God to give birth to, nurture, and raise the very Son of God. She knew more about Him than 

         anyone else on earth. She knew the truth of His miraculous birth. She knew that He was sinless 

         and that He “spake not as other men, neither could he be taught; for he needed not that any man 

         should teach him.”3 Mary knew of His extraordinary capacity to solve problems, including one 

         as personal as providing wine for a wedding feast. She had unshakable confidence in Him and 

         in His divine power. Her simple, straightforward instruction to the servants had no caveats, no 

         qualifications, no limitations: “Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it.”

         Mary had been a young woman when the angel Gabriel appeared unto her....

         Mary humbly responded that she would do what God asked, without demanding to know           

         specifics and undoubtedly in spite of having countless questions about the implications for her

         life. She committed herself without exactly understanding why He was asking that of her or 

         how things would work out. She accepted God’s word unconditionally and in advance,4 with 

         little knowledge of what lay ahead. With simple trust in God, Mary said, “Behold the handmaid 

         of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word.”5

My testimony

We will not ever be asked to bear the Son of God, but we all have or will someday experience--like Mary--a time when God will ask us to do something and we don't exactly understand why or how. Like Mary we can show that we love God enough to have faith to obey anyway. And we can use that faith to help God perform miracles. We can follow her pattern of discipleship.

Whether you have given birth and currently have your children living at home or not, all women have the feminine capacity to nurture in love as mothers. As disciples of Christ God can do for you as he did for Mary: He can take even your humblest righteous desire and use it to sanctify you as a tool in His hands.

This is a picture of a painting I made during a class with friends from church, taught by Ellie Klaus.

2018 in Review: A Year of Learning and Growth

At the end of 2014, my dear Brooke Beecher Schulz wrote in her photography business blog four inspired questions. I thought I would take the time to not only review my answers from back then but to ask myself the same questions again this year.

1. What am I up against for the coming year? My sweet genius of a husband will be doing the preliminary defense of his doctoral thesis and taking a class or two in addition to his current work load as an RA. As his wife I’ll need to be supportive. Our toddler daughter is working on toilet training still. And I've signed up for a weekly babysitting job in our home.

2. What are your secret goals that seem impossible? I want to sing opera again but have come to admit that my work ethic needs work. I need to stay motivated in order to keep my talents cultivated. I want to do more with decorating our home on a budget which means that some projects (redoing my master bedroom and bathroom with new bedding and a paint job) will have to stay in the dream stage until we can afford them or I get creative enough to modify them.

3. What are you struggling with? I don't want my soul to feel stifled as it waits for things. Whether it's an updated look for my home or a second child that's been sought after for years now, I want to find ways to express and fulfill myself even if it means not getting what I want. I need to make art that brings joy and beauty to myself and those around me independent of a few specific creative visions yet to be made real.

4. What do you wish for, creatively and personally? In short I hope to make the most of my opportunities to nurture others while nurturing myself.

Well since 2015, Gregory has not only successfully completed his preliminary thesis defense but has also written and defended his doctoral thesis and nearly completed a post doc in cancer research at Yale. He had a stroke which led us to discover his PFO and had it closed. He has enjoyed teaching at Albertus Magnus this semester. 

Victoria went to kindergarten at the lovely elementary school in Savoy, IL and is now finishing up second grade at a wonderful school here in CT. She has of course successfully completed her potty training. She enjoys her gymnastics class and riding her bicycle when the weathers warm enough. I have been enjoying a weekly institute class (both in IL and her in CT.) I don't babysit for pay on a regular basis but I do enjoy teaching several piano students and one young voice student. I did get paid to come sing on a professional recording in UT which was a delight. 

What are we up against in 2019? Deciding where to go and what to do after this post doc, probably a college professorship somewhere near family. 

What are some secret goals that seem impossible? 

Since 2015 I was blessed to study with a dear friend, Cynthia Haymon Coleman, in IL who taught me as much about life and God as about music. Together we prepared for my audition into Yale's Early and Sacred Music master's program; I was not accepted. I auditioned for the university choir that is also open to community members but I didn't get in. I did give a private concert and record it though. Money is still tight but I've been able to decorate our CT apartment some. Since coming to Yale for infertility care we have discovered that I don't have "asymptomatic PCOS" after all. This month we've revisited monthly hormone treatments to prepare for IUI.

My struggles are a bit too personal for sharing on the blog at this point and my wish is still to make the most of my opportunities to nurture others while nurturing myself.

Our 6 Month Holiday Newsletter (including photo album links)
Danielle's dad came to visit at the end of June on his way to a work conference. Victoria was supposed to be out of school already, but weather cancellations extended our school year almost a month, so we had her miss a Monday to come explore NYC. We enjoyed the audio tour at the statue of liberty, though Victoria was disappointed to not quite be tall enough to go all the way to the top. The Cloisters at the Met were an unexpected highlight with their unicorn gallery and a temporary exhibit of clothes and fashions inspired by religious art and teachings. It felt good to have Dad at church with us and watch him be a Grandpa by playing chess with Victoria and teaching her how to use Family Search.

In September it was so warm and many school's air conditioning systems were breaking, resulting in early dismissals and closures. Since Aaron, Eliana, Rebecca, and Spencer came to visit at the beginning of his 8 week study break, we picked up Victoria and went to the beach with our niece's family (on the Hart side.) Even after the AC was fixed, we kept her home from school to go to the Peabody museum and Yale's rare instruments library and Arethusa (because sometimes you need ice cream for lunch when you've been walking in the heat too long.)

July being our designated month to travel, we flew out for the biannual Hart reunion with Greg's siblings and Mom. His sister was kind enough to share her newborn son with all the aunts and uncles; it made us a bit more baby hungry and grateful for Victoria. It was nice that our visit lined up so we could attend the Joseph F. Smith family dinner in SLC since we've been meaning to attend but unable to do so up until now.

Since we don't live very close to any of Danielle's relatives we added a visit to her parents on either end of the Hart reunion. Having Kent and Heather Hansen's family visit us in CT was also a highlight. Soccer camp as well as church history day camp we're further highlights. Blueberry picking, a successful lemonade stand (almost $15 in less than 2 hours!), blanket forts, free tickets for a mommy daughter date to the U.S. CT open, and playdates with school friends wrapped up our summer.

We enjoyed general conference as usual even though the morning session begins at noon here. It was fun to have the missionaries over to watch conference and eat. We began building Victoria a loft bed as a family. It was mostly built in two weekends but a few wrong cuts and less urgency have slowed our finishing of the final tower and bookshelves. Victoria and Danielle also joined a monthly crochet club on campus.

Just after Thanksgiving Gregory had us accompany him to his job interview at BYU-Idaho. I attended my Grandpa Eaton's funeral the following weekend. We're looking forward to celebrating Christmas with our midwestern family and ringing in the New Year with Gregory's sister's family.

Reinforcing Inadequacy and Mom Guilt

I recently asked my Mom how she dealt with my near-constant procrastination in getting things done, especially when it came to school work. You see, my second grader had been given a project to work on a little bit each day for two months but after she and I talked about it we didn't work on it until the few days before it was due (a mixture of her choices and mine.) I ended up helping her by creating maps, printing off pictures of memories we had discussed, writing captions, buying supplies, and creating flags for her to color from our ancestors' countries of origins. I did more work than her and I felt bad about this. But I also realized that part of my guilt and panic was coming to me because I was embarrassed that her work wasn't going to meet my standards and could therefore reflect badly on me. This was the first time--and I'm sure it won't be the last--that we stayed up past bedtime to finish schoolwork. I hope learning from this experience will make the next time less disagreeable.

Giving credit where credit is due
My mom was discussing the scenario I just shared with our mutual friend who happens to be a professional counselor and mother of nine. She cautioned that as parents if we are always swooping in to do things for our children then it can reinforce the message that the work they do independently is not good enough. (She also suggested to tackle projects in smaller pieces, something we're inconsistently working on.)

If it is her project and she is going to get credit for it, why not let my daughter do it and only help when she asks for it? If she wants to eat what little candy there is in the house instead of vegetables, I can provide safe parameters for her to learn from the inevitable non-permanent effects on her digestive system.

As a parent it is hard to trust your children to make their own choices, especially when you can often get burned by their consequences worse than them. I've noticed that as my daughter gets older she seems to finally be noticing consequences (like now she cares if she missed the bus and has to be driven to school, but in kindergarten and first grade she didn't care and I did.) As a moral person I am often tempted to view everything as a moral choice: but sometimes there really isn't a right or wrong choice of snack or decoration or musical instrument. And even when there is, I need to teach correct principles, highlight any promised blessings, and then step back to let my daughter act rather than be acted upon. It may not be easy but it is oh so necessary!

I found this picture on Pinterest while looking for an illustrated scripture passage. I think it highlights well the quantifiable vs. qualitative effects of parenting.

Pleasing God
I grew up in a religious family. The family I am now growing is still a part of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We believe deeply in repentance and the atonement of Jesus Christ. We also believe that the Holy Spirit can testify of our cleanliness when we truly repent and that it is possible to feel peace and know how you're standing with God. Our Father in Heaven sent His Only Begotten Son in the flesh to redeem us so that we can be "good enough". I believe that we don't have to wait until the Resurrection and Judgement Day to feel His Love and peace.

But feeling that the Lord was pleased with me is different than feeling that my parents were proud of me. Of course I knew that they were pleased when I kept the Lord's commandments, was chaste, and didn't do drugs. But in the day to day stuff I was often worried that if my parents knew how I felt they would be angry or disappointed. (Disclaimer: we're all good now but as a teenager figuring out who I was, it was much harder to feel my parents approval and I was more dependent on it.)

So if you're a child struggling, consider the principles you know and try to live them. Thank your parents and other role models for their good examples. Be independent and take responsibility for your choices even when those around you make that difficult.

And if you're a parent who is trying your best to do good and teach goodness to your children but you feel like you're falling short? Please consider that after you've done your best and trusted the rest to God, your children's choices are a reflection of their motivations and not the quality of your teaching.

And whether you're a parent or a child of one (so basically anyone reading this), please remember that "One of God's greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final."