What I'm Learning as I Try to Follow the Prophet

A prophet of God recently advised women to "participate in a 10-day fast from social media and from any other media that bring negative and impure thoughts to your mind. Pray to know which influences to remove during your fast." He also invited us to go to the temple, read the Book of Mormon by the end of the year, and study the purpose statement of Relief Society.

I knew that I didn't want my fast to be a strict, letter-of-the-law avoidance of social media and I realized that in praying to know which influences to remove during my fast, the Spirit might whisper a different answer to me than to others. I knew therefore that it wasn't my place to shame anyone who seemed to be doing their fast "wrong" or not doing it all. I knew it would and should be something of a sacrifice for me. Unlike a few others, I wasn't at all bothered by the timing of it because I don't think social media is a reliable place to obtain information about political candidates in the first place. 

Halfway through my fast I got quite sick and couldn't do much physically for several days; normally this would be a time of wasting my precious energy scrolling through online accounts. Instead I made note of the following lessons:

• First, I reach for social media when I am bored and/or want a distraction from the moment.
• Despite having low energy yet trying to avoid my default setting of being hyper motivated to get things done, I have been more productive overall--and less overwhelmed--about by all the things that need doing regardless of whether they get done.

  

  Example of productivity: we built Victoria a loft bed as a family! (I'm one several medications in this picture.)

• Ranking social media sites: Pinterest is far less detrimental than Facebook for me. While I do waste time sometimes on Pinterest, it is far more positive than Facebook and my news feed has fewer surprises. I am also avoiding YouTube and Netflix, which has been more challenging for me than Facebook.
            
                        

• Staying connected: There are a few people for whom Facebook messenger is my only means of contact. We use it like private email. I don't see a problem with that continuing. I also know that support groups on Facebook can be an invaluable necessity for a wide variety of struggles.
• Apparently many people are wondering when is it going to be the men's turn to receive this challenge. Several of my adult friends participated in the youth's invitation to fast. If you want to follow the prophet then do as the Holy Spirit directs you to! Also, I wish people would remember that there were 3 other tasks we were given by the prophet.

After reading the response of one friend who lost her newborn daughter to death, I admired her decision to share her thought processes regarding this challenge and was inspired to share my own. I conclude by sharing a parts of her response with her permission: 

I still used fb, wrote a couple Olivia letters, sought help & encouraged others in my grief groups. I reminded some women who were feeling abandoned by God that He does love us even when our lives are unbelievably hard. I will probably continue my fast & spend less time on fb because I did see almost immediate benefits from it.

Now to my point. Today someone finished her fast & felt the need to comment just what I said I didn't need.

It made me feel like crap...

Instead of typing what I want to her, I'm trying to turn my ugly feelings into a positive reminder that we should always think before we say something to others about how we perceive they're following God's word. We don't know what they're going through, & we don't know if what we say might be the thing that just makes them give up...

The path that I am walking is often lonely, full of thorns, & a lot of tears. As I have been on this path it has helped me see other's more clearly. Their path is hard too. I'm sure this woman really did feel like having to find other things to do while she was up at 2 am feeding a baby was a sacrifice. I am sure she is exhausted. I am sure her intent wasn't to make me feel terrible. But I am going to try a lot harder to keep my thoughts about how others are choosing to follow God to myself.

By fasting I learned for myself one of the beautiful points she makes here: I am going to try a lot harder to keep my thoughts about how others are choosing to follow God to myself. Instead I'll try to show loving support in person and online to everyone I meet. That's what I learned from her example and from following the prophet.

What is something you've learned as you've followed the prophet?

How to be a Great Gospel Teacher: Lessons Learned From My Father

Step one: Become a great gospel learner. 

Step two: recognize the difference between learning and teaching (hint: it's more subtle than you may think according to Elder Bednar.)

Two Things to Remember When Teaching Children About The Gospel
First, it's is the most important thing you can teach your child because it is part of keeping them alive! And second, children learn best by example. Even if you feel like you are going through the motions or doing things just for show, everyone involved will eventually learn to hear the music of the gospel if their "normal" is a constant view of its dance steps (bonus points for recognizing the General conference reference!) If you love going to the temple or General Conference and make those experiences a priority, you're well one your way. Everything can somehow relate to the gospel, so be on the look out for prime teaching moments; they happen more often than you realize!

That said, something important I've learned in dealing with toddlers young and old is to remember what Elder S. Mark Palmer so recently taught: "No teaching or learning will ever occur when done in frustration or anger, and hearts will not change where love is not present." Learning to recognize your child's frustrated signs and give them the tools to recognize and remove their frustration (a masking mixture of emotions) will help both of you learn and teach better. Giving them the tools they need may involve learning your own frustration triggers and finding ways to effectively mediate them. It's another life process that is learned by doing :)

So what are my secrets?
1. Family Home Evening. Have it and have it weekly. Always have a gospel lesson suited to the needs and attention spans of your family members and try to have it on a day other than the Sabbath. The lesson should be more than just scripture study. With really young-in-the-gospel audiences I've found it helpful to review or preview that week's Primary lesson. There are also several blogs I follow that given me great inspiration: Pinning with Purpose and We Talk of Christ to name a couple.

2. Twice-a-day Family Prayers. 

http://www.jeankeatonart.com/store/for-such-is-the-kingdom/family-prayer/

What better way to teach children about God and His gospel than to talk with Him? As we improve our own personal prayers and invite them to do the same, children may learn the nuances between food prayers, break the fast prayers, ordinance prayers, etc.

3. Daily family scripture study. I am a firm believer that children should hear the written word in its purest form as well as study the scriptures in a way that meets their own needs. to that end we study the scriptures two or three different ways each day: 1 page of the Book of Mormon at breakfast (or at dinner if some of us sleep in), telling of scripture stories in everyday language but with key doctrines underscored by quoted verses (this especially worked well for the first 3 years of bedtime), listening to Scripture Scouts (another bedtime routine and one that I grew up with), and reading through all of the illustrated Children's readers again and again.

All these things I have learned in my youth from parents who used well the gifts of the spirit as given to them. The Holy Ghost has taught me countless applications for the teachings of the prophets as taught to me by my parents. Happy Father's Day Dad!

A Modern Disciple: How This Mother is Coming to Christ

What does the invitation "Come unto Christ" look like for me, in my life? 

At the heart of my testimony as a disciple of Christ is my favorite scripture Philippians 4:13. 

“As you do these things, the Lord will make much more out of your life than you can by yourself. He will increase your opportunities, expand your vision, and strengthen you.He will give you the help you need to meet your trials and challenges.You will gain a stronger testimony and find true joy as you come to know your Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, and feel Their love for you.”For the Strength of Youth (booklet, 2011), 43.

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, one way I come unto Christ is by listening to the words of living prophets every 6 months. As I've pondered and reviewed April 2016's General Conference sessions, more questions for pondering have come into my mind.

If you've read my recent blog post about Victoria starting kindergarten you may have caught a whiff of my struggles in balancing and some of the labels I deal with. Studying Elder Hallstrom's talk "I Am a Child of God" reminded me that my most predominant labels should be the eternal ones. Countless talks spoke to me of meekness and humility. I love the Bible Dictionary's explanation of prayer being the act of aligning our will with the Lord's. I especially loved Bishop Waddell's formula for peace: 1) Learn of true doctrine. 2) Listen to the Holy Ghost and let it lead you to repentance. 3) Walk in and with Christ.

Wife, mother, daughter of God.

Whether you're striving to feel the Lord's peace in your life our impart it to others--THAT is the essence of what coming unto Christ means to me. It may feel different at different times and manifest itself in a variety of ways. But I echo the true words of W. Christopher Waddell, "We may not have the ability to control all that happens around us, but we can control how we apply the pattern for peace that the Lord has provided—a pattern that makes it easy to think often about Jesus."

What does "Come unto Christ" look like in my life for those around me? 

From personal experiences as both the receiver and the giver, I second Elder Neil L. Andersen's testimony that "[k]nowing someone's name can make a difference." But whether or not you know someone personally, you can still be a light in their lives whenever they enter your sphere of influence.

"None of us should be defined by the worst thing we have ever done," taught Kevin R. Duncan. While many of us crave justice in our everyday lives, at the end of the day we ALL need the Lord's merciful grace. That is why forgiveness has such transcendent power. Kevin R. Duncan taught regarding forgiveness: "We need not be a victim twice." Yes, I should let go of bitterness, resentment, etc. before it gets anymore toxic inside me; yet that is easier said than done.

With the aid of social media, there is plenty of judgement going around--usually unwarranted and highly subjective. I believe that truth is not a subjective thing and that there are instances where right and wrong have been clearly defined by the Lord. This means that whether or not a person believes something to be true does NOT change whether or not that principle is actually true. It also does not exclude Christ's disciples from unkindness. I once heard the analogy of a cheesecake: be lovingly firm. We needn't apologize for our testimony of truth or water down doctrine to make it more palatable. But we can and should be soft and loving in our delivery. I may disagree with you but it needn't feel disagreeable.

The Right Answer, The Ultimate Answer: Christ
Christ is the answer. "None other has had so profound an influence upon all who have lived or will yet live upon the earth. He was the Great Jehovah of the Old Testament, the Messiah of the New." Through the infinite virtue of his great atoning sacrifice, all injustice can be made right and mercy can prevail. It is how we can overcome disappointing situations and take control of the uncontrollable: we come to God, lay our burdens at His feet, and do what He asks of us while He takes care of our problems. By taking care of us, His children.

"Come unto Christ. Come unto Him, and by His grace be made holy again. He's calling your name; he's waiting for you...with arms open wide, come unto Christ." Let us open are arms to embrace Christ and let Him into our lives more fully by placing Him at the center. I know that miracles will surely follow.

Learning from Dramatic Conversions in the Book of Mormon

"And when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren" (Luke 22:32)
In Alma chapter 18, Ammon came to the King Lamoni and asked "What do you want?" He then waited for an hour in silence. After no response he simply repeated his question. When the King continued not to answer, only then was Ammon "filled with the Spirit of God, therefore he perceived the thoughts of the king." Now if it were me, I know I would be tempted to press for an answer. Even if I managed to wait an hour and then ask again, it wouldn't be patiently. I suppose my feelings and mind wouldn't be that calm after waiting around almost pointlessly, and therefore the Spirit would have a difficult time filling my heart and mind enough to know what someone else was thinking and feeling.

Just a chapter later, the King is about to be buried as though he were dead because he has been in some sort of conversion coma for two days and two nights. I know I would be nervous if someone I loved were out of it for a while. Yet Ammon has had experience with this before. Perhaps as he faithfully comforted the king's wife he was remembering his own repentance process as he waited for his dear friend Alma the Younger to come to himself. Perhaps that made it a bit easier to empathize with her and reassure the queen that this conversion was a good--no great--thing.

D&C 6:36
Another interesting tangent is to look at how many times Ammon knew. Some people these days get hung up on whether or not we can know things in this life or if it's all just feel-good obedience and belief. I believe that desire and belief can be strong enough to motivate thoughts and actions at least for a little while, but at some point we need to grow the roots of our testimony stronger and deeper than that if it is to survive and bless us with fruit. (See Alma 32:28-41.) But I believe that Ammon knew, through the power of God, just what was going on in King Lamoni's mind and heart, whether King Lamoni himself was able to express it or not. I know that we too can know things with the same kind of assurance and through the same power. If we are worthy and believe it is possible--these are the first few steps. Just something else to think about.

Spiritual Vitamins (see D&C 81:5)
I want to insert here another gospel study experience, this time from President Boyd K. Packer's Memorable Stories and Parables. He related a story of a girl who was stuck under a car for many days. The worst of her injuries weren't from the car but from being without nourishment for so long. The doctors had to be careful in hydrating and feeding her. While she desperately needed vitamins, almost anything they would give her would be a shock to her system. They started with the basics through an IV and then finally worked their way up to nutrient-rich foods I would give my young toddler. President Packer related this cautious and ultimately successful treatment to our need for spiritual vitamins. In doing so he opened my eyes to people who may be experiencing something different from myself in the spectrum of conversion. While all of us need to eat good food and want to be healthy, many of us have different dietary needs that shape how and what we eat. Being aware of your spiritual health as well as those around you, can help you better understand and appreciate the variety of spiritual diets needed.

Certain experiences are like spiritual vitamins. But what if they aren't given to those most in need? For example, if you only ask those with professional teaching experience to teach Sunday School you'd not only miss out on some of the best teachers: many would also miss out on the personal growth that comes when a disciple becomes a teacher. What about praying in public or giving a talk in church? These same experiences enrich an individual's life differently at different times. I know that the Lord, in His infinite and individual love, is aware your needs and those around you. He wants us to be aware and loving too.

Do you look around you and see others enjoy a feast of the Spirit while you find your spiritual appetite unsatisfying? How many are around you, watching you pop your daily spiritual vitamins and taking your blessed understanding for granted; what can you do to slowly help them in their own conversion?

Conversion is an ongoing process and not a onetime event
Conversion isn't always dramatic. But sometimes it is. Whether it is dramatic or not does not make it any less true or lasting of a change. Also, there are people everywhere who are prepared to hear the Lord. Because He is a God of miracles. And He keeps His promises. I know these things are true because they have been principles in my life for as long as I can remember.

Changed by the Love of God

Lovest Thou Me?” John 21:1-19
You know how some people get overboard in anticipation for the Super Bowl? Well, I am like that with General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Wasn't conference great? Now I'm in the reviewing and application zone. This has been especially interesting to me in light of last Sunday's events. Let me explain.

This past Sunday I sang with an on-campus Methodist church choir because 1) I had already learned their most difficult song with Oratorio Society and 2) our half-Mormon, half-Methodist acquaintance pointed out in his invitation to me that quite a few members of this congregation have visited ours. Now, I generally avoid visiting other churches (for reasons I won't go into here), and I was a bit nervous to bring my family along since I didn't know quite what to expect. But it was a lovely service and several of the sermons mentioned things I was already studying. The Spirit was able to help me stay engaged and learn things. Also, they made good use of their printed programs so it was easy to follow along even as a visitor.

They have a time near the beginning of the service where all the children come sit on the steps up front with one of the pastors to have a brief discussion in response to a story, etc. So the children sort of help give the sermon. This time it was based on a video I had seen on Facebook. Anyway, Victoria did that and then afterward went to their Sunday School while Greg and I stayed for and/or performed in the rest of the meeting. She liked it and they didn't teach her anything obviously different from what we believe. If anything some of their teachings are less direct and focused than what we receive in our church.

Their main sermon, Breakfast With Jesus, and came after someone read John 21:1-19. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland spoke on this story a few General Conferences ago, so snippets of his commentary kept coming to my mind. The take home point of the visiting Methodist pastor was, “Now that we've experienced the glory of Easter last week [and General Conference], have we tried to go back to normal?” Like the New Testament apostles and also like Adam and Eve once they partook of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, “they were changed. They couldn't go back to their old normal and neither should we.” How do you avoid the temptation to settle back into old habits? Consider some of your most life changing events (maybe even read about them in your journal.) Did the change last?

Getting Back on Track
There's a great article in this month's Ensign about knowing if God's directions make sense and whether or not it could be because we're too off track to follow them. This is something that is near and dear to my heart but that I have trouble expressing, so I was grateful for the simple parable of navigating through France on ones bike. Thinking about staying on track, we ought to consider President Monson's remarks from this most recent General Conference. Do you know where you want to go? Are you on track to get there? What do you do if you're not?

I once had a discussion with my sister in-law, Jani, about a discussion she had with some of her church friends about how studying the scriptures can be like the habit of flossing and brushing your teeth. You may have a goal to improve your quality and frequency and to be consistent. But if you mess up and have a bad day, week or even month, you wouldn’t give up and say, “Well, I’m just not very good and brushing my teeth. I’ll do it when I can or whenever I remember but doing it everyday is not that important.” NO! You would keep trying to improve and you would realize that you won’t be able to see and feel just how much of a difference your actions are making. Because much like brushing your teeth and flossing, scripture study has subtle yet significant blessings that affect us immediately but also help preserve and protect our future. So let’s get practical here...

If you're reading this please consider answering how you review General Conference and/or how you get back on track spiritually? 

Sukkot: A Mormon Christmas Advent

Why We Celebrate Miracles with 2 Holidays
Many state that unless you're a practicing Jew you should not observe Hanukkah because the whole holiday was founded to strengthen Jewish culture and religious dedication and to purify oneself from worldly influence. Thus being a non-Jew and observing this holiday undermines it very purposes.

So what is my Christian family with no biological ties to Judaism doing celebrating Hanukkah, and as an advent to Christ's birth no less?! Well, I strive to observe this historic holiday with reverence for my God and respect for the people who brought it into existence. We celebrate the legendary history of this Feast of Dedication because of its many spiritual lessons. Saying we're celebrating Sukkot (see Leviticus 23:33-44) the Messianic Jewish way is probably the most accurate explanation. Because I believe in celebrating "anything virtuous, lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy" and I know many of you do as well, I have decide to continue this tradition another year and share with you my testimony as well as some logistics.

Hanukkah's History: The legends are nicer than the facts
While you may not have heard of Sukkot perhaps you have heard of the miracle of the oil burning for 8 days and nights. This special oil took time to be prepared enough to be temple-grade but the Maccabees wanted to keep the eternal flame lit and not wait. So they went forward in faith. So the story goes.

But while researching topics for our nightly devotionals I came across a disappointing story: the miracle is made up! Quoting from one website in summation of several:

Jewish Rabbi Daniel Kohn, in answer to the question, “Is the miracle of Chanukah made up?” stated that the whole concept of the miracle of the oil, was indeed untrue. While stating that the actual lighting of the Menorah for the dedication of the Temple was real and based on spiritual significance, the rabbinic writings in the Talmud took the shift from the Maccabeean military victory to that of a claimed miracle of the oil for the Menorah.

The perceived glory of the Maccabean victory became overshadowed due to all they did that caused harm to fellow Jews and their focus became viewed as dangerous and containing seditious ideas that were to be suppressed. The fear of glorifying the military success of the Maccabeans while under Roman rule, formed the basis for the idea of inventing the story of the miracle of the oil to become the focus and with it, masked the truth about the Maccabees and their shameful legacy for many years. By reinventing the stories, the rabbis kept the holiday alive with a shift in focus and thereby inserted more religious significance.

While I am an ardent defender and cultivator of truth, I find that this not-so-accurate legend still teaches me and my family. So we just tell the story for the legend that it is and glean truths from it that bring us closer to God.

Symbols of the Festival
While we have yet to build a sukkah and we do keep a small Christmas tree (two wrong ways to celebrate Sukkot), I find comfort and familiarity as a Mormon celebrating Hanukkah (which by the way has several acceptable spellings.) I love that the Hanukkiah (also known as the menorah) is a symbol of the tree of life. I love the symbolism of the Shamash candle or the servant candle (the one in the middle which is higher up than the others) being is used to light the other candles from right to left.

While playing dreidel is the closest we'll come in our family to any sort of gambling games, I love the message that is spelled out there. Nun, Gimmel, Hay, and Shin stand for "Nes gadol ha'ya shem" which translates to, "A Great miracle happened there." We hang a small banner proclaim thus over our homemade nativity. Tradition has it that the dreidel game was a cover up to fool the Romans since studying the Torah was forbidden. Our family deeply values studying the scriptures both individually and as a family and we are blessed to do so frequently and regularly. All these symbols tie in well to various themes for nightly devotionals.

Below is our proposed study schedule for the year:

Day #1, Sunday, also the 1st presidency devotional broadcast: the light of creation
Day #2, Monday, potluck dinner with the Meiers and Deckers: the light given to Adam (studying the fall and the sybollism of the Tree of Life)
Day #3, Tuesday: the light of the Messiah (specifically studying the resurrection and Christ as the Shamash)
Day #4, Wednesday: the light of the commandments (studying Psalms 119:9-11)
Day #5, Thursday: study the light of the Restoration and Joseph Smith as the Shamash
Day #6, Friday: the light of the Abrahamic covenant (studying temple covenants)
Day #7, Saturday, potluck dinner with the Savages and Shaws: the light of discipleship (Matt. 5:13-16 and this Ensign article)
Day #8, dinner and Family Home Evening with the YSA branch: Just as the Jews of old purified their temple, we must purify our lives to better shine the light of Christ and prepare for his 2nd coming.

While I'm not sure we'll keep up this tradition another year I know that all our family's traditions are carefully selected to bring us and those around us unto Christ. In the spirit of Hanukkah we share our light with the world. What traditions does your family have? How have they come about?

2 Nephi: Part Two of What the Book of Mormon Has to Teach About Parenting (and Related Issues)

"My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions..."
                                                                           ~ 2 Nephi 4:20, emphasis added

This phrase really stood out to me this time. In the previous verse we get a flavor of the internal juxtaposition Nephi faces; we get a feeling for how he is experiencing two very different reactions to his trials, sets of emotions that we often think of as not being able to have at the same time. But Nephi shows us otherwise. In verse 19 we read: "And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted."

Here Nephi is feeling "encompassed about" and probably overwhelmed at times by the difficulties he faces on a day to day basis. Note that its not until the fourth verse of his lamenting prayer that he eludes to his murderous family! I don't think that is just because he had a lot of other problems he was facing at the time, though that may be true as well. I think this type of attitude comes from an extremely developed sense of the eternal perspective and caring most about what God thinks.

In verse 19 we read that Nephi is not hopeless. He is obviously feeling discouraged (see verse 17-18), but he does not feel helpless and therefore does not despair. Why? Because he knows in whom he has trusted. It's not just a "Hey, I got this because I trust God." He has a personal relationship with God and that is why he can trust enough to see the Lord's hand even in the midst of his trials. Thus we see that Nephi's faith is truly an anchor to his soul. May it be so for you also.

The word through is interesting to me in verse 20. Through as in a preposition other than over, under, or around? Or through as in Nephi's afflictions were the means by which the Lord led? What do each of these interpretations say about the Lord? And have you seen such applications in your life?

Avoiding Trials
God doesn't guide us throughout our lives in such as way as to avoid trials, though sometimes we do receive that blessing. But as Lehi so eloquently teaches just one chapter previous to this: "There must needs be opposition in all things[!]" I've shared before that a wise man once taught me that it's not hard to notice that we live in a fallen world. I used to feel a bit bitter as I'd catch myself whispering with a sigh at some situations, "Evidence of the Fall..." But I don't have to feel bitter, even in the moments when I'm "encompassed about" by my problems! And neither do you. We can try to adopt the attitude of my toddler (yes, I am suggesting copying my 4 year old's attitude) and look at all challenges as learning opportunities. Some such difficulties truly do come about simply because of the world in which I live, but whether or not your sticky situation is deserved it is still an opportunity to build character by coming closer to God. And personally, some of my trials have felt shorter as I have learned to ask "What am I to learn from this?" instead of "Why me?" or "When will this be over?"

Trials Direct Us Inward and Upward
One of the speakers from Time Out for Women spoke about the 3 looks: Look out, look in, and look up. One doesn't practice these looks in sequential order but rather in a cycle and sometimes even simultaneously. During a hard time in life try looking outward to observe the needs of others and do what you can to help. Then look in a ponder how you're reacting to and what you are learning from this unwanted growing opportunity. Then look upward to God and find ways to draw nearer to Him. Sometimes doing so has led me to be truly grateful for blessings in disguises (that's what I like to call trials.)

Sometimes the Lord leads us to him in less-than-obvious ways. We may be directed through the fertile parts of the wilderness, across a stormy sea, or to spend time with people who don't like us (though with Laman and Lemuel I realize this is an understatement.) As Nephi rattles of a list of ways in which the Lord has blessed him, try to not only figure out which specific events he is describing; try to understand how he feels about these various hard times by recognizing the tone in which he describes these past experiences. Hint: he's probably not just suddenly writing with rose-colored glasses on in the middle of a pity party because he remembered that the world is going to be reading his personal, prophetic journal someday.

• [H]e hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.
• He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh.
• He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me.
• He hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the nighttime.

He goes on to list a few other significant blessings but this list will suffice to make my point. In the first example, Nephi was miraculously instructed to build a boat for his family to reach the Promised Land. Due to the unfortunate choices of others that trip is an eventful one. But as with each of the other examples, Nephi focuses on the actions of one person: God. Doing so drastically simplifies his summation of recent history. I think Nephi's choice--whether a conscious or subconscious one--to focus on the Lord's actions is something he made a habit of doing. Read 1 Nephi and see if you agree. By getting to know the Lord it is easier to have faith in him. One way to get to know people is to see how what they do in a variety of situations, even and especially the less-than-ideal moments.

Challenge this week: Record how you act and feel in your less-than-ideal moments. Study the scriptures to find ways the Lord and/or His servants have continued their work despite their own less-than-ideal circumstances.

The Music of the Gospel: Can You Hear It?

I am certain I am not the only one who at some point in their life has wanted to make someone else do something.  It may be a teacher at school requesting his students to listen, a parent or babysitter teaching the right way to do something--whether or not there always is a "right" way is another series of posts, but yes there often IS a "right" way--I have even noticed this tendency in young children playing together. Because of this seemingly universal challenge and my passion for music, the extended metaphor of this General Conference talk really hit me. It still speaks to me and I know it can and will touch some of you.

          “No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood”—or by 

          virtue of being the dad or the mom or the biggest or the loudest—“only by persuasion, by long-

          suffering, by gentleness and meekness, … by love unfeigned; [and] by kindness” 

          (D&C 121:41–42).

          "[These] are the attributes that tune our hearts to the music of 

          the gospel. When they are present, the dance steps will be 

          performed more naturally and joyfully by all of the dancers in 

          the family, without the need for threats or intimidation or 

          compulsion."

For those of you not familiar with the talk, go ahead and open the link. I'll wait...No seriously.

So what did you think? Many of my friends probably heard it before and if you have, did you remember it? Interesting tangent: picture of Navajo medicine man for reference. I love the power in the metaphor that dancing can help heal and that the medicine man could teach the doctor the steps but not necessarily how to hear the music. Dancing is a joyful expression, a beautiful blending of technique and emotion; this carries weight in the metaphor I think.

Lately I have been praying for the Lord to help me learn compassion. I view this as 

a merciful and nurturing sort of love independent of the recipient's worthiness or desires. I have high standards for myself and others am painfully aware of my default setting of coercion when it comes to "teaching" what is right. (My daughter, Victoria, recently picked up the line, "But you have to let me do this myself or I will never learn...") For the past several months, the Lord has blessed me to be very aware of my feelings and motivations, even in the moment. I am still learning to be temperate but I nevertheless hear the music of the gospel more often than not. But much like a musician wishing to take her musicianship to the next level, the Spirit of the Lord must be present for me to make lasting improvements. That's part of the power of Christ's Atonement.

Returning to Elder Wilford W. Andersen's talk, 

          If early efforts at making music seem dissonant and discordant, remember that dissonance 

          cannot be corrected by criticism. Dissonance in the home is like darkness 

          in a room. It does little good to scold the darkness. We must                   displace the darkness by introducing light.

          So if the basses in your family choir are too loud and overbearing, or if the string section in 

          your family orchestra is a little too shrill or a little bit sharp, or if those impetuous piccolos are 

          out of tune or out of control, be patient. If you’re not hearing the music of the gospel in your 

          home, please remember these two words: keep practicing.

May I add my testimony to his that "[w]ith God’s help, the day will come when the music of the gospel will fill your home with unspeakable joy." Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has meant learning the dance steps as well as how to hear the music of Christ's gospel. It is a life-long listening cycle and one that has blessed my life immeasurably. I know that 

          Even when performed well, the music will not solve all of our problems. There will still be 

          crescendos and decrescendos in our lives, staccatos and legatos. Such is the nature of life on 

          planet earth. [I once had a wise professor of religion label these things "evidences of the Fall."]

          But when we add music to the dance steps, the sometimes complicated rhythms of marriage 

          and family life tend to move toward a harmonious balance. Even our most difficult challenges 

          will add rich plaintive tones and moving motifs.

So no matter where you are in life, tune in to the Lord's radio station and start dancing. He will help you find joy in even the awkward beginner's phases, a foretaste of the joy He himself feels as we progress towards our infinite potential as His own spirit sons and daughters. You must learn to join the dance!

In preparation for the Indianapolis Temple dedication

I will be singing this as part of a 20 voice choir in the Celestial Room. I've performed this same hymn once before years ago at the dedication of the Rexburg temple, but I must admit that the words were not as clear as they should be in my mind. As I have studied them this week, the lyrics have come alive again my heart and so I share my testimony with you on this hallowed occasion.

I believe in Christ; He is my King.
With all my heart to Him I'll sing.
I'll raise my voice in praise and joy,
In grand amens my tongue employ.                

God is so awesome that of course I will praise Him. His awesomeness also extends to His listening to and answering my personal prayers!

I believe in Christ; He is God's Son.
On earth to dwell, His soul did come.
He healed the sick the dead He raised.
Good works were His: His name be praised!

The end of this first verse (originally there were 8 written by Brother McKonkie which were combined into 4 longer verses for the sake of hymn writing) reminds me of the beginning of The Living Christ. I love how simply and powerfully these words testify of the condescension of The Only Begotten of the Father. It gets personal starting in the very next verse.

I believe in Christ, my Lord, my God.
My feet He plants on gospel sod.
I'll worship Him [in gratitude for this and all other blessings] with all my might.
He is the source of truth and light.

When life gets hard and I feel discouraged I pray from understanding and love from the source of all truth. In performing the infinite atonement, He descended below all things. And I think of this as I continue singing.

I believe in Christ. He ransoms me.
From Satan's grasp He sets me free.
And I shall live in joy and love
In His eternal courts above.

I have taught my daughter to answer the following questions. What is the Atonement? The Key. The Key to what? The key that unlocks the gate into Heaven. And who turns that key? Jesus Christ. And what do we have to do for him to turn the key for us? Repent. This is the simple but true conversation I strive to live each day as I look forward to the Second Coming sung of in the next verse.

I believe in Christ; He stands supreme!                This means my morality should come from His.
From Him I'll gain my fondest dream.                  Obviously exaltation but also things in this life too...
And while I strive through grief and pain
His voice is heard: Ye shall obtain.                       God always keeps His promises!

I believe in Christ. So, come what may,
With Him I'll stand at that great day                    Reaffirming the promises I have made with God...
When on this earth He comes again
To rule among the sons of men.

This is only a portion of the testimony shared by Brother McConkie at the LDS General Conference in April 1972. Go and read it and record your feelings as you ponder his words. It doesn't have to be Christmas or Easter for us to consider or relationship with God and to live our testimonies of truth. So in the words of another great hymn: "Go and do something today!"

1 Nephi: Part One of a Series on Likening the Scriptures

One of my Relief Society president's in college once shared how every now and then she gets a paperback copy of the Book of Mormon, writes her question inside and starts praying and fasting and marking it up. And every time the scriptures come to life in a new way for her! So, for my personal scripture study I have been studying how we receive strength beyond our own.

I was also inspired a while back by a visiting general authority and his wife. She had many touching things to say and her testimony was beautiful. She mentioned briefly that she had written a book called The Book of Mormon: A Pattern for Parenting. This may explain in part why all throughout First Nephi I was drawn to ways to better live the gospel as a mother and wife. So here are some insights on a fruitful tangent. (I'm sure if I thought hard enough I could make a nerdy math joke, but I won't.)

Chapter 1: Personal Prayer and Journal Keeping
This may be stating the obvious but I'll go out on a limb here and write it anyway: You can't be a good parent without a whole lot of prayer. And I don't mean the desperate in-the-moment child-abuse-preventing kind, though those may be necessary at times. I'm talking about talking with the Lord in gratitude and with an intent to act upon the answers He sends.

In verses 1-2 and 16-17 we learn about another helpful habit of successful parents: journal keeping. Lehi taught his son Nephi (and probably his other children as well) to read and write. Thus Nephi would be able to read the scriptures taken from Laban in addition to writing a scriptural record of his own. But he also abridged his father's record, or a piece of it anyway. If you're not familiar with why this was a wise use of his writing and family history skills, check out this link to the LDS seminary manual regarding the translation of the first section of the Book of Mormon.

Another wonderful blessing of journal keeping is witnessed in verse one. Nephi writes that despite his life being hard, "nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; yea, having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God, therefore I make a record of my proceedings in my days." I'm not sure if his keeping a record as commanded by God was what allowed him to come the such a knowledge and testimony, but our latter-day prophets have testified again and again of the importance of keeping a personal record.

President Spencer W. Kimball taught:
         But I promise you that if you will keep your journals and 
         records, they will indeed be a source of great inspiration to 
         your families, to your children, your grandchildren, and 
         others, on through the generations....
       
        From time immemorial the Lord has counseled us to be a 
        record-keeping people.

Nephi may be writing what we know as the first few chapters of the Book of Mormon in hindsight, but one of my fondest prayers in my choice callings of wife and mother is that I and my children will be able to recognize from our lives the many tender mercies which come from faithful obedience to true principles.

Chapter 2: Sanctifying Obedience
So here's another obvious lesson about good parenting: it involves sacrifice. And I'm talking about true sacrifice where we give up something good for something even better. Because let's face it: giving up whatever we want to do what God wants us to makes us better people period. I firmly believe doing so is one of our main purposes of this mortal probation!

What sort of things might we sacrifice as parents? Sleep, our pride and sometimes our dignity, our sanity, personal dreams, postponed travel plans, time alone, financial security... What can we learn from Lehi about sacrifice? Well, let's ponder his examples of sanctifying obedience. 1) He risk his life to deliver his prophet message or burden as Isaiah sometimes calls it. 2) In order to save his life and because he was commanded of the Lord, he abandoned his way of life and relative comfort for a really long camping trip and boat ride with some less than cooperative children. 3) He was grateful for the warnings of God even if they were hard to follow: so grateful in fact that he built an altar of stones and made an offering! 4) Even in the desert he found ways to fulfill his eternal calling as a father and teach his sons of the Lord's ways.

My parents have always been great example to me. I have memories of learning principles of "faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities" from watching, playing with, and working alongside them. My dad was always inviting us to draw gospel parallels and asking us what we learned. While I didn't always have the best attitude about it growing up, I appreciated it even then, and more so now as I am a parent myself.

Learning from the less-than-teachable attitudes of Laman and Lemuel and recalling that just about everyone in this caravan would have murmuring moments before reaching the Promised Land, I believe it's important to always be aware of your attitude and how it is affecting your current situation. Notice I didn't say how your attitude is affected by your current situation. If you're looking for a way to adjust your attitude for the better? Come to know that dealings of Almighty God. (See verse 12 and recall lessons from the previous chapter of 1 Ne. 1:1.)

I think Lehi did this and his example led Nephi to do so as well. Consider the juxtaposition in verses 14 and 15. Lehi is filled with the power of God to the confounding of his two murderous sons and yet he dwells in a tent. While he would've been justifiably angry, I don't think he could have had so profound an impact in rebuking them if his words were just spoken in rage. It says he was filled with the Spirit of God and that he spoke unto them" until their whole frames did shake before him." The Lord can help us as we seek to teach and discipline our children. Of course He will, I mean they're His children too after all! I am certain Lehi sought the Lord's assistance regularly in prayer and that is part of what prompted his then youngest son Nephi to go to the Lord in prayer and receive a testimony that his father was indeed a prophet called of God.

1 Nephi 15:3-6 Dealing with Challenges
Some things are just hard to understand. Unless you inquire of the Lord.

Sometimes we're discouraged by the actions or lack thereof by those around us. Sometimes we're less than hopefully. When we are already discouraged, Satan will come and try to make it worse. But we can still choose our reactions and we must remember that Christ has descended below ALL things. He has born your grief and experienced YOUR sorrows. We can also receive strength from God.

Once we are strengthened we must forge that strength of character by strengthening and edifying others.

Lemonade stand: Oh the Difference You Make

After reading about my nephew's "Out of This World" lemonade stand for his school and trying to prepare a family home evening lesson during nap time, I was inspired to revisit this draft of a blog post. Some of my ideas may sound repetitive if you've been following me a while, but I won't apologize. Sometimes it takes a few tries for the lessons God gives me to stick with me enough to change me. And I'm sure I'm not the only one ;-)

"May I point out something obvious? Life rarely goes exactly according to plan for anyone...It is still important to understand and teach the Lord’s pattern and strive for the realization of that pattern the best we can." 1

This lesson has really been brought home to me as of late. I am grateful for supportive friends and family who make such lessons less painful for me to learn. (In case you didn't know, my biggest pet peeve in life is when things don't go according to planned.) Sometimes I think if I can just square my shoulders and think positively I can get through ___. Like a kidney stone, this too shall pass. But as my favorite quote from the movie Letters to Juliet goes, "Life is the messy bits."

About a year ago I was feeling rather frustrated by a recurring problem. I thought was doing everything I could to live my ideals and things just weren't working out. I wanted the Lord's confirmation that I should keep trying, even and especially when what I was doing didn't seem to make a difference. I wanted to be able to better enjoy life's messy bits; I felt inspired to write this poem about a successful attempt of mine to make lemonade out of life's lemons. I don't think I've ever shared it publicly til now.

That sour moment when
Life hands you a lemon.
That tense moment when
You do your best to be nice and just try anyway.

That moment of relief when
A friend pitches in to help.
That satisfying moment when
You realize you've just made
Lemonade.

I leave you with this invitation to choose to turn sour moments sweet. Whether it's choosing not to pass judgement after a brief glimpse at a stranger's worst moment or smiling and making cheerful small talk while you wait in the longest grocery store line of your life, these are some of the small ways that each of us can make a great impact whose far reaching effects may surprise you. "So go and do something today!"

Finding Balance Through Christ's Atonement

Last night I studied Elder L. Whitney Clayton's April 2015 Conference talk, "Choose to Believe", and in it I found reassurance and encouragement as well as solutions to my seemingly unrelated problems. For example, as a parent and babysitter I seek to respect the agency of the young children entrusted to my care; I err on the side of compulsion to do what is right, most especially when it is I who must pay the price for their bad behavior. Due to a recent challenge I find myself reevaluating many things but most especially my parenting methods. I pray I will learn quickly to discipline more like the Lord and not feel conflicted between loving tolerance and a permissive lack of rule enforcement. I am certain that I am not the only one who struggles with this balance and I pray my studies and testimony will encourage more than just myself today. (This conundrum of finding balance between two good ways to follow the Lord which both turn bad when taken too far is beautifully discussed in a book I highly recommend: Extremes: How to Keep Your Virtues From Becoming Vices.)
              "God does not compel us to believe any more than He compels us to keep any commandments,
               despite His perfect desire to bless us. Yet His call to us to believe in Him—to exercise
               that particle of faith and to give place for His words—remains in effect today."

Right and wrong are not negotiable and at some point we will feel the pressing debt to justice of delayed consequences. God's commandments apply equally to everyone. And yet there is the atonement. I'll come back to this thought in a moment.

As I reread passages of this inspired message looking for the quotes I could not mark during my study last night, I was struck by this little sentence: "Sailor could not know at first if what she was doing as she pushed her way through the underbrush would actually work." If you are unfamiliar with the story to which he is referencing, please go read the first part of his talk at least! He continues,"She was lost and injured; it was dark and cold. But she left the crash site and ventured out in hope of rescue, crawling and scraping her way forward until she saw a light in the distance. Once she had seen it, she did her best to move toward it, remembering what she had seen." While most of us will never face such dramatic, traumatic experiences as this little girl, I will still attempt to draw parallels. Think of the last time you felt hopeless and then answer the following questions:

1. Have you ever felt lost and injured, surrounded by darkness and cold? You may have been surrounded by people and yet still been alone in a sense.
2. Have you ever been asked to move on or move forward, to pick yourself up from a hardship and continue on as though you're unhampered by the injuries you've sustained?
3. Have you ever in the midst of trial, discovered glimmers of goodness and glimpses of light, evidences of the love of an ever mindful Father in Heaven? Have you noticed that sometimes such experiences are easily forgotten and swallowed up in our personal anguish if we do not cling to them and seek out the Lord in a desperate plea for more.

Sometimes we may get discouraged by our imperfect attempts to do what is right. To quote a hymn, "the day dawn is breaking, hailing a future of freedom and light."  But sometimes my future doesn't feel very bright. In these moments of painful realization it is easy for me to wonder if what I am doing is actually making a difference. Yet "the Spirit whispers this to me and tells me it is true[:]" just like in the parable of the prodigal son, my stumbling attempts to return home to my Father in Heaven are met with the running footsteps of someone coming to greet me, embrace me, and welcome me home. Because of the eternal sacrifice of my Savior and yours, I can be made whole. I can repent from my mistakes and heal from the mistakes of others. I can find strength to persevere in my enduring to the end. Because I know that my God is waiting to help me cross the finish line. 

Elder Clayton testified that "[s]ometimes progress in spiritual things can seem slow or intermittent. Sometimes we may feel that we have lost ground, that we have made mistakes, or that our best efforts to find the Savior are not working. If you feel this way, please do not give up—ever. Go right on believing in Him and in His gospel and His Church. Align your actions with that belief." I add my witness and that of the Book of Mormon prophet Alma's that "if [we] can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you,even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of [the Savior’s] words.” That is what conversion is. That is how the atonement of Jesus Christ can begin to work in our lives daily, to change us and "to make us new creatures in Christ." 2 Cor. 5:17.

So I will move forward, acknowledging my weakness: "'Twas I, but 'tis not I." I don't have to repeat mistakes, and when I do I don't have to be doomed to continue repeating them and forever be marked as a sinner. I will keep on trying! My character as a daughter of God can be molded into what He wants me to be, through the love and teachings of my family and my Savior, Jesus Christ.

He Overcometh All...And So Can We!

An incredible woman who overcame much in her life once penned a beautiful poem of which I share an excerpt:

“My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily."

The rest of Corrie ten Boom's poem is remarkable and I invite you to ponder it. While I don't believe that everything is destiny or fate, I do believe that God works with us through our circumstances to become what He would have us be.

Video: Falling Up

In this video introducing a motivational speaker, we learn of her reaction to some unbelievable challenges. They said such a devastating injury would take away her life's work and her reason for living. I think of several dear friends right now who are going through deep trials and I wonder how they are feeling... beyond their physical pain. I wonder if they have regrets because of the challenges they are facing. Do they understandably view their hardships as limiting or even taking away their life's work?

That question is too big for me and so my thoughts turned inward. What is my life's work? What are my reasons for living? I recently did a post about recognizing where we have been, where we are, and where we are going; I borrowed the shoes metaphor from a Time Out For Women speaker whose video I also shared there. You know, they say that you can't judge a person until you have walked two moons in their moccasins. I cannot begin to understand my friends' challenges of health and faith. But I know some who does. And it is after Him that I hope to pattern my life. It is thanks to Him and His infinite sacrifice that I can see clearly where I am and have hope in where I am going. He has given me my reasons for living and I will forever praise Him for it.

You may have heard of the woman who visited a silversmith at work so as to better understand Malachi 3:3 which reads, "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." Sometimes, when we are stuck in a hot spot and being refined, it feels like we do not have control over much nor is it likely that we feel refined in our reactions. May I submit that with the Lord's help, we can grow through and because of our challenges.

Consider the oyster and several other mollusks. When an oyster is annoyed--and rightly so--by "an irritant such as a wayward food particle...trapped in the mollusk", the oyster has a beautiful defense. Rather than get sick, it concentrates on healing the irritation if you will, by covering it in layers of the same stuff it uses to build its shell. Over time this internal problem turns into something beautiful because of how the oyster reacted. Pearls are rarely "perfect" and there are a number of factors that affect their development.

This can be a wonderful parable for our own spiritual development. Many of us have inward struggles, often caused by things out of our control. But we can control how we react to them. If we are renewed by the grace of God each day, together we can work at how we respond and thus make something beautiful of ourselves because of the hurt we're experiencing.

Studying this process further on the American Museum of Natural History's website, I learned:
       One of the most distinctive features of a nacreous pearl is the
       way it seems to glow from within.This property, known as
       "luster," gives pearls their unusual beauty. Luster results from
       the reflection of light rays not only off the surface of the pearl,
       but also off the concentric inner layers of nacre.

Nacre ("NAY-ker") is the composite material formed by the aragonite ("ah-RAG-uh-nite") and conchiolin ("KON-kee-uh-lin"). Now here's where I may be stretching the metaphor but feel free to stretch with me. When we become Christlike in all things, including the way we deal with on-going problems, something glorious happens to our character: as we use our ability to choose and are further enabled by the atonement to be true to the nobility inherent in us a children of God, that is when we shine.

And so my dear readers, whatever hurts you may have, I testify that none is too great for the healer of souls. And this healing ought not to be a passive experience. Laying your burdens at His feet and taking up His yoke still sounds like work doesn't it? And yet we are promised by Jesus himself that in so doing "[we] shall find rest unto [our] souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Standing on Holy Ground

Recently I shared on Google plus: You don't have to be a girly girl to love shoes. Heck, you don't even have to be a girl in order to have a favorite pair of footwear! "But what if our 'shoes' represented different roles that we play in life? The shoes may look and fit differently depending on the role you play." So what shoes are YOU wearing and how do you feel about it? Comment below so we'll learn and grow together to appreciate where we're at, where we have been, and where we are going.

Where I've Been

Growing up I didn't always care enough to be wise in my choice of footwear. I made sure to wear weather-appropriate shoes most of the time but I figured they could handle whatever I chose to do in them. I remember being pregnant with Victoria and going on a longer-than-expected walk with my husband to pick up a treat while we waited for the car to be repaired. I broke my favorite flip flops to pieces but still managed to have a decent attitude and keep my complaining to a minimum. They tried their best to do a task they were not prepared for. I'm still learning that lesson; like those shoes, there are times when I need to remember to be wise in my diligence and to not run faster than I have strength. 

Where I'm At

Ever since moving to Illinois I have been pretty faithful about wearing shoes to protect and support my feet, because I have plantar fasciitis. The muscles on the arches of my feet don't entirely behave as they ought to and so sometimes things like walking get quite difficult. So I've gotten pickier about the shoes I wear. Maybe that is in part why the video which inspired this post struck a chord with me tonight. 

I value functionality and beauty as deciding factors in many things, and shoes are no exception. But taking this metaphor to heart, I began to learn things about myself and the roles my Lord God has given me. I'm one of those girls who grew up wanting to be a wife and a mother: in my mind it was and is the ultimate career for me and I didn't need or want anything else. I also try to look outside myself and find those in need whom the Lord would have me help. For these reasons my default pair of shoes have been the comfy tennie runners I'm wearing right now. They aren't so beat up as to be ashamed of...most of the time. Like my house, I try to keep them clean but they're okay if they get a little dirty. And like me, they can do some pretty extraordinary things while appearing to many as humble, ordinary, and to a rare few even pitiful.

Where I Am Going

Tomorrow [now actually today as this post has taken a couple days to write] I get to go to the Holy Temple of God and worship there. I served in many ways--expected and otherwise--and learned of God's ways once again. There were a few moments where I felt and knew that I was being the Lord's hands. I know He has a plan for me as He does for all of His children. I am reminded of the scripture: "Put off thy shoes from off thy feet. For the place whereon thou standest is holy ground." My prayer is that by what I do and what I say, I make holy places, that I may stand in whatever shoes I'm wearing with the utmost assurance that I am doing and being what God wants.

Recognizing and Celebrating Miracles Past and Present

This is a holiday post. This is a gratitude post. This a spiritual, thoughtful post. It also serves as a reflection of this past year and look forward to the coming year.

Several of my readers may already be aware of our family's new year's resolutions for 2014 with the slogan being "MORE in two thousand FOURteen!" We've done pretty well on all of our goals, though some are still being realized. This most obviously includes our desire to have more children. As I look back over journal entries and countless spiritual experiences a few thoughts come forth that I feel are worth sharing as some of you surely have trials to face, hope to kindle, and faith-filled lives to live.

Let me begin by sharing an insight or two from Time Out For Women. From "How to Turn Futile Hopes into Fertile Hopes: An Exercise in Asking and Answering Questions" (just my working title for and a direct quote from one speaker's talk and the notes she encouraged us to take):

"Think of something in your past, something that part of you wishes you could undo...Now ask yourself this question: what is something that you learned from that experience that you will never forget and that makes you a better person?" There are countless answers that lead us to consider in gratitude the purpose of this life. Some of our limitations and perceived failures make us who we are. Now as you're pondering that, here's a somewhat related question for you to fill in the blank: Sometimes I think I could be so much more effective and fulfilling my mission from God if it weren't for ___? Whatever you chose to complete the sentence, it was probably something out of your control, right? Think of the Romans who controlled Israel at the time of Christ. Much like the ancient Jews who struggled to recognized the Messiah in their midst because they sought deliverance from the Romans, am I not fully recognizing the Messiah for "who He is...present in my life right now" as I seek deliverance from my own Romans?

Added December 23rd: Another great talk on recognizing the Lord for who He is. It also echoes the lesson I taught my adopted Primary class of 9 and 10 year olds this Sunday.

Healing from the Lord comes in unexpected ways. "True hope is founded in Christ's power to redeem." To help me better recognize the Lord's hand in my life and rekindle my hope and trust in Him, I have studied my past and even the scriptural past.

Journal entry for December 9th 2014: Hopeful Christmas (John 16:33)

 Most of the basic fertility tests have been done and even redone and the results are promising albeit they do not provide an answer for why our family is growing slower than expected. But as I pondered the miracles of Christmas and prepared my Hannukah decorations (we're celebrating both this year; see the picture above) I was touched by the story of Elizabeth conceiving in her old age and the strength she and her cousin shared in their miraculous experiences. It filled me with hope. As I wrote to Greg, "I wish I could share with you what I am feeling [right now]. This kind of lump in my throat is the best kind to have." Victoria has been sick off and on this past week and this afternoon she is sleeping. I am grateful to take the opportunity to slow down and cuddle more and do whatever she wants to do; even if she is too tired to do much of anything besides enjoy my company and watch me do things that we would normally do together. God has been good to me and my family. I am grateful for the hope that I feel springing within me once again. I hope to continue exercising my faith by not waiting for the next chapter of my life to begin.

 
 In a recent Facebook post, I shared four questions from a creative friend of mine, Brooke Schultz, to get the juices flowing as you prepare to make New Year's Resolutions. 1) What are you up against in 2015? 2) What are your secret goals that seem impossible? 3) What are you struggling with right now? 4) What do you wish for, creatively and personally? I humble submit that the answer to all of these can be found is you look inward to recognize your potential as a child of God, look outward in service to others, and look upward to God.

1. What am I up against for 2015? My sweet genius of a husband, Greg, will be doing the preliminary defense of his doctoral thesis, hopefully going to a large conference, and taking a class or two in addition to his current work load as an RA. Our toddler daughter is working on toilet training still. And I've signed up for a weekly babysitting job in our home. All these blessing and many more come from the Lord above.

2. What are your secret goals that seem impossible? Up until this month I probably would have said something about getting pregnant, but given my new-found hopes I am glad to relabel that task as POSSIBLE. I want to sing opera again but have come to admit that my work ethic needs work. I need to stay motivated in order to keep my talents cultivated. I want to do more with decorating our home on a budget which means that some projects (redoing my master bedroom and bathroom with homemade bedding and a paint job) will have to stay in the dream stage until we can afford them or I get creative enough to modify my existing ideas. Philippians 4:13 redefines impossible beautifully.

3. What are you struggling with? I don't want my soul to feel stifled as it waits for things. Whether it's an updated look for my home or a second child that's been sought after for years now, I want to find ways to express and fulfill myself even if it means not getting what I want. I need to make art that brings joy and beauty to myself and those around me independent of a few specific creative visions yet to be made real. All struggles are swallowed up in Christ's atonement. 

4. What do you wish for, creatively and personally? In short I hope to make the most of my opportunities to nurture others while nurturing myself. I know that the Lord will help me reach my divine potential as one of His children. Moses 1:39.

Cherished Moments: A Day in the Life of Toria Marie

We woke up early today to the sound of construction workers digging a ditch to drain our front and back yard. The good news is that my toddler woke up with wide-eyed wonder to this new distraction. The bad news: it was a distraction from going to the bathroom first thing. So somewhere between putting on my sweater and braiding my hair I hear the plaintively call, "Mom, I peed." Please not in the ball pit, I pray. I think that would be the worst. She confirms my worst fears and asks for a bath. Sure! And we'll just throw all the balls in there with you. I quickly sanitize the giant tub they came from and remember two important things. First, we both still need breakfast. And second, we ran out of wipes yesterday. Here's praying we don't need them today. Who am I kidding? I'm potty training a three year old!

Such is the morning of a neat-freak mom and her adorable 3 year old princess. After breakfast, things settle down some. Sometime during the cleaning of my inbox, I came across the promotion that inspired this blog post. For writing about our lives and trying out Babyganics products I can easily get a couple entries into their sweepstakes for $100 visa gift card. The catch is that I've only got a couple days to do it in. Worth the sudden time investment? Probably not, but at least it motivated me to capture some special moments in a day that's been memorable in more ways than one.

                         

Back to our day....Calculus class for Mom and play date with Dad for the little one. I wonder if she'll 

do another private concert from "Frozen" for Daddy today. Focus! Figure out the volume of this funky shape using advanced math (definite integrals) and then help the person next to you. I picked up Toria from Greg's office along with a free 2 x 4 he has been meaning to grab for weeks as part of Toria's Christmas present.

Lunch may have happened on time for once. Even though she requested as second bath. Nope, it's not even noon yet kid. After eating and throwing dinner in the crock pot, it was finally time for our trip to Midas to get the car's oil changed. To say we got lost getting there would be an understatement--and yes we have been there before. Several times. I nearly gave up and drove home after leaving a message for my husband and calling the store to get directions; through it all Victoria obeyed my plea to be quiet so we could get un-lost and go see Daddy again. Prayers plead and promptings heeded, we arrived tastefully late and the car was quickly taken care of.

We stopped by Hobby Lobby to do a quick price check on the way home and ended up buying what we came to check! And enjoying every single blessed distraction on the way to the back of the store and then to the cashier. It was all so wonderful to me and Toria Marie that the stresses of not more than an hour ago dissolved into nothing. I felt balanced again despite having experienced what I thought was the worst afternoon possible. (I'm to trying to be dramatic. I really was scared and stressed in a rare and raw way.) I've learned that interior decorating and crafting--even if only in my mind--is a surprisingly effective way for me to calm down. But I wasn't prepared for how much going to this store would affect me. And how much my three year old would love it too. She had a hard time telling me her favorite things from the giant flowers to the Christmas trees to the decorative wagon.

Today has been a good day and it's not over yet. But my blogging must come to an end in the name of dinner. And I don't regret it. I leave feeling fulfilled and satisfied that I have recorded the happy roller coaster that is my life, almost without trying. And I'm reminded of just how much the Lord in is the details of our lives if we but notice.

So I leave you with this thought: What distractions do you have in your life? And what things in life have you hastily mislabeled that may actually be blessings worth making more time for? "Even worthwhile endeavors need evaluation in order to determine if they have become distractions from the best goals." I witness to you that loving God first guides other priorities to fall into place.